Ow! Stop Biting Me!

Check this out. Some dude in New Jersey punishes his wife when she’s bad by biting her. That’s weeeeeird. Isn’t he acting a little monkey-like? Plus, he somehow managed to fracture 10 of her vertebrae in the process. How do you even bite down on a vertebra? Maybe I’m not interpreting the article properly? I’m confused.

Well, now. I think I’m

Well, now. I think I’m annoyed.

No, I know I’m annoyed.

I just don’t know whether it’s with myself or my boss.

He’s probably annoyed with me.

Maybe he’s sitting in this office thinking “I think I’m annoyed…”


No Not Know Know. Blog Know.

Do you know me? I mean, do you know know me? Or do you blog know me? I guess if you know know me and you’re reading this then you blog know me too and that would mean you probably know me pretty well. If you blog know me but don’t know know me then do you know me more or less than the people who know know me but don’t blog know me?

Better, I think. There’s no facade in my blog. No fake friendly smiles. Much less filtering of the random thoughts going through my head. This blog is almost a direct view into my brain. I must qualify that with almost because a completely open view of the inner workings of my brain would be a bit dangerous. Both for you and for me. I’d probably scare all the know knowers away. I’d probably scare myself away. And all I’d have left are the blog knowers. But I don’t really know know you blog knowers now, do I? What good would that do me? Especially if I’ve scared me out of know knowing myself already?

Am I *That* Recognizable?

I must be spending too much time in Sportmart. The employees there recognize me and say ‘hi’ to me. Well, okay, one employee. But for a store like that, isn’t that one too many? Am I really wasting precious minutes of my life away in a sporting goods store? Or maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m just recognizable? I remember there were random checkers at Safeway and Wild Oats who recognized me. The Wild Oats guy later moved on to Berkeley Bowl. I was buying sushi there once and he said “Hey, haven’t seen you in a while.” I looked at him with what must have been a puzzled expression on my face and he continued with “I was at Wild Oats before. And Noah’s before that. Remember?” Um… no. The Safeway guy I remembered because I saw him every time I shopped there. He empathized with my random ice cream cravings at 11:30 PM. Then he left to become a video game tester at Sega. Wouldn’t it be weird if he popped out of the TV the next time I played a Sega game? “Hey, haven’t seen you in a while. Remember me? I was the Safeway checker guy whose favorite Dreyer’s Dreamery flavor was also New York Strawberry Cheesecake.” Yikes.

Wow, I just thought of another one. There’s this checker at Andronico’s on University Ave. that recognizes me, too. He’s funny. He switches registers to be my bagger. Then he starts examining my groceries to see what I like. Hrmm… maybe that’s not so funny. Maybe I should stop going there.

Maybe I should just do all my shopping online.

De-head the Stoopids!

What is it with the stoopid people out there who think they’re so damn important that all their wants come before anyone else’s needs? They all need a good hard smack upside the head. And I mean hard. So hard that they get de-headed. Yes, that’s de-headed, not beheaded. There’s a difference. De-heading someone means you hit them just hard enough so that their head doesn’t quite fall off but gets all loose and wobbly and kind of flops around so that people look at them funny and laugh. Because the stoopid people out there need to learn a little humility. Plus if their head’s all floppy they can’t stick their nose up in the air at you. Plus then when they try to get stoopid on you you can reach up and slap ’em a bit and their head will flop back and forth and you can laugh some more. Yeeeah! Whassup, stoopidhead?