Professional Amateur Everything Athlete

That’s what I want to be. My dream profession. To get paid a million gazillion dollars to play lots of different sports at a less-than-professional level. ‘Cause we all know I have neither the athleticism nor the talent to play anything professionally. But I do like to play. A little bit of everything. So many little bits of everything that I could very easily become very professional at it. The little bittiness, not the actual playing. Erm, am I making sense? Am I repeating myself? I do indeed think I am, although I’m not quite sure how. Forgive me, it’s late. I know that 1:30 isn’t late for most of you out there, but I’m dead tired. I’ve been up since 6 AM! Time to go curl up into my sleepball.

Hunger Symptoms

1. I think I’m hungry.
2. I get cold.
3. I’m pretty sure I’m hungry.
4. I get tired.
5. I know I’m hungry.
6. I get cranky.
7. Everyone else around me knows I’m hungry.
8. My stomach grumbles.
9. I grumble.
10. My head feels light.
11. My head hurts.
12. Stomach pains!
13. ???

I don’t know what happens after number 12. I’ve never made it past 12 because the only time I get that hungry is when I’m doing something that involves other people, and by that time they’re so afraid of me and my hunger-induced crankiness that either we go eat or they start feeding me whatever they can find.

Ow! Stop Biting Me!

Check this out. Some dude in New Jersey punishes his wife when she’s bad by biting her. That’s weeeeeird. Isn’t he acting a little monkey-like? Plus, he somehow managed to fracture 10 of her vertebrae in the process. How do you even bite down on a vertebra? Maybe I’m not interpreting the article properly? I’m confused.

Well, now. I think I’m

Well, now. I think I’m annoyed.

No, I know I’m annoyed.

I just don’t know whether it’s with myself or my boss.

He’s probably annoyed with me.

Maybe he’s sitting in this office thinking “I think I’m annoyed…”