Frozen Brita Waterfall

I hate when the little spout cap on the Brita filter comes a little too close to the freezer compartment of the fridge and freezes. It doesn’t freeze so completely that nothing gets through, but just enough so that the cap won’t open. So then when you go to pour yourself a nice cold glass of water the cap stays put and near-freezing water (ah, but so filtered, so crisp!) comes spewing out all over the place. On the floor, on your socks, on your shirt, on your pants… everywhere but in your glass. And usually this happens first thing in the morning or in the middle of night because that’s when the fridge has been left alone for a good long time to get nice and freezing cold. So basically you’re sleepy and you’re soaked and you’re cold and there’s water all over the floor. God that sucks.

Watermelon Cubes

And I’m not talking about cutting little cubes from the flesh:

Kinda neat, huh? Literally. They’re sized to fit perfectly in Japanese refrigerators.

Just think of all the fruits you can do that to. You could grow square oranges and stack them into all sorts of cool structures. Or triangular strawberries that you build into a pyramid for your sweetie. How about cylindrical bananas? You could push a stick through the end, stick it in the freezer, and have banana pops.

I wonder if you could grow them in animal-shaped molds. You could have a garden of watermelon dogs.

Pet Rats Are Cool

Ilse Scully mentioned yesterday that Angelina Jolie has a pet rat. I wonder what it looks like. Is it a sewer rat or a lab rat? I’d like to have a lab rat. They’re big and warm and fat and fuzzy and they’re just so darned cute. Except when you have to dissect them for bio lab. That’s not so cute. They’re mighty schtinky on the inside! Blech.

I wouldn’t mind having a sewer rat, either. Like maybe Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He would show me how to kick ass and dispense rat wisdom in times of need.

Just kidding on that one. I know Splinter’s already taken. I can just go for a generic sewer rat. I would train it to bite on command. It would be a guard rat. I’d take it out for walks and sic it on people who looked at me funny. It would terrorize the neighborhood chihuahuas. No, it would probably eat the neighborhood chihuahuas. Heh, that’d be cool. “Guard Rat Eats Chihuahua”. Ay caramba!

Dammit, now I’m bugged. Is

Dammit, now I’m bugged. Is it “ich muß schlafe” or “ich muß schlafen”? If it’s like English then it’s schlafen not schlafe, right? I can’t believe how much of my German I’ve forgotten. Use it or lose it, right? I guess I’ve lost it.

I’m not even sure whether the “muß” goes before or after the “ich”.


Professional Amateur Everything Athlete

That’s what I want to be. My dream profession. To get paid a million gazillion dollars to play lots of different sports at a less-than-professional level. ‘Cause we all know I have neither the athleticism nor the talent to play anything professionally. But I do like to play. A little bit of everything. So many little bits of everything that I could very easily become very professional at it. The little bittiness, not the actual playing. Erm, am I making sense? Am I repeating myself? I do indeed think I am, although I’m not quite sure how. Forgive me, it’s late. I know that 1:30 isn’t late for most of you out there, but I’m dead tired. I’ve been up since 6 AM! Time to go curl up into my sleepball.

Hunger Symptoms

1. I think I’m hungry.
2. I get cold.
3. I’m pretty sure I’m hungry.
4. I get tired.
5. I know I’m hungry.
6. I get cranky.
7. Everyone else around me knows I’m hungry.
8. My stomach grumbles.
9. I grumble.
10. My head feels light.
11. My head hurts.
12. Stomach pains!
13. ???

I don’t know what happens after number 12. I’ve never made it past 12 because the only time I get that hungry is when I’m doing something that involves other people, and by that time they’re so afraid of me and my hunger-induced crankiness that either we go eat or they start feeding me whatever they can find.