What Makes a Muffin Tick?

Muffins are complex organisms. Their diversity could perhaps be compared to that of us humans. They probably have as many flavors as we have races. Not only that, but there are characteristics that allow other muffin groupings. For example, we have adults and children, they have big muffins and little muffins. We have big adults and little adults, they have gargantuan big muffins and reasonably-sized big muffins. We have well-endowed and not-so-well-endowed men and women, they have large-topped muffins and not-so-large-topped muffins. I shall refrain from blogging about my muffin top size preference here.

In an attempt to better understand the muffin species, I took it upon myself to dissect one of its members. I was going to eat it anyway but I figured I’d be giving its short existence a bit more meaning by allowing it to make a contribution to science.

And now, the autopsy results. In order to keep my blog reasonably loadable for those of you with dialup connections, the report can be found here.

Speaking of freezers, are our

Speaking of freezers, are our fridges built upside-down? Why does the freezer go on top? Doesn’t heat rise and cold sink? Doesn’t it seem easier to have the coldest part of the fridge at the bottom? Then I wouldn’t have my Frozen Brita Waterfall problem.

Or is the current design actually taking advantage of the fact that cold sinks? Is the freezer on top so as not to waste the cold that sinks out of it? So that any escaping cold will just contribute to the cool of the rest of the fridge?

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “That’s stupid. There’s no such thing as cold. There’s only heat, and cold is the absence of heat.” Ha! I already knew that! So just take everything I wrote above and reverse the logic.

Still, I’m thoroughly confused. I’m more confused than the last time I said I was confused. This one topic has confused me for years. Someone please explain this to me. Is our current refrigerator design more efficient, or would we benefit from turning the thing upside-down?

Frozen Brita Waterfall

I hate when the little spout cap on the Brita filter comes a little too close to the freezer compartment of the fridge and freezes. It doesn’t freeze so completely that nothing gets through, but just enough so that the cap won’t open. So then when you go to pour yourself a nice cold glass of water the cap stays put and near-freezing water (ah, but so filtered, so crisp!) comes spewing out all over the place. On the floor, on your socks, on your shirt, on your pants… everywhere but in your glass. And usually this happens first thing in the morning or in the middle of night because that’s when the fridge has been left alone for a good long time to get nice and freezing cold. So basically you’re sleepy and you’re soaked and you’re cold and there’s water all over the floor. God that sucks.

Watermelon Cubes

And I’m not talking about cutting little cubes from the flesh:

Kinda neat, huh? Literally. They’re sized to fit perfectly in Japanese refrigerators.

Just think of all the fruits you can do that to. You could grow square oranges and stack them into all sorts of cool structures. Or triangular strawberries that you build into a pyramid for your sweetie. How about cylindrical bananas? You could push a stick through the end, stick it in the freezer, and have banana pops.

I wonder if you could grow them in animal-shaped molds. You could have a garden of watermelon dogs.

Pet Rats Are Cool

Ilse Scully mentioned yesterday that Angelina Jolie has a pet rat. I wonder what it looks like. Is it a sewer rat or a lab rat? I’d like to have a lab rat. They’re big and warm and fat and fuzzy and they’re just so darned cute. Except when you have to dissect them for bio lab. That’s not so cute. They’re mighty schtinky on the inside! Blech.

I wouldn’t mind having a sewer rat, either. Like maybe Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He would show me how to kick ass and dispense rat wisdom in times of need.

Just kidding on that one. I know Splinter’s already taken. I can just go for a generic sewer rat. I would train it to bite on command. It would be a guard rat. I’d take it out for walks and sic it on people who looked at me funny. It would terrorize the neighborhood chihuahuas. No, it would probably eat the neighborhood chihuahuas. Heh, that’d be cool. “Guard Rat Eats Chihuahua”. Ay caramba!