Sex-Crazed Monkeys

When I first discovered online news (back in the stone ages) the section with all the weird stories was my favorite. Where are those sections in the regular newspapers? I feel bad for all the poor little peeplz without internet access. Having to read boring depressing articles day after day. Bombings and market crashes and power outages. Why not read something that makes you laugh instead? Like today, I read a blurb about a sex-crazed chocolate-fueled monkey attacking girls and flirting with neighborhood pets. I tried to picture it but being an urban dweller all I could really come up with was a mental image of Homer Simpson’s helper monkey Mojo.

Speaking of monkeys. All of youz with Palm OS devices should check out eruptor.com‘s PortaMonkey. The little dude eats and poops and screws innocent bunnies. You can zap him, too, and not worry about PETA chaining themselves to your doorknob. Just click on the “wireless” link when you get there.

Advantages of Taxodermy

1. No meowing at 5 in the morning because they expect to be fed.
2. No chewing of crinkly plastic items in the middle of the night.
3. No barfing all over everything when they’re upset.
4. No cat hair all over your stuff.
5. No hiding of your most precious items.
6. No knocking over of whatever you’re drinking.

<yawn>

I’m on the first morning

I’m on the first morning of this blogging thing and already things are getting out of hand. I just spent my morning gym time redoing the layout for this thing. Is this the end? Am I going to waste away into nothing as a blogger? No, wait, I won’t waste away. I’ll balloon into a tub of lard doing this blogging thing. Blub blub blub.

You know what irks me? My DarkOrange font just isn’t the same shade of orange as the Blogger logo. No, make that, the Blogger logo just isn’t the same shade of orange as my DarkOrange font! Dammit. But at least they had the good sense to use orange.

Here I am, writing in

Here I am, writing in my new “Spring Fresh” blog. “Spring Fresh”? Why not “Fall Stink”? For some reason I’m having trouble typing the word “Spring”. It always comes out as “Sprint”. Must be all the whining I’ve been doing over their sub-par (sub-sub-par) system. Stoopid Sprint. Grrr… More on them later.