Dear Semicolon

Dear semicolon
I profess my love for thee
Part comma
Part colon
You are the perfect in-between
Connecting my thoughts
That flow
But not quite
A perfect pause
Not too long;
Just right
Always in my pocket
Often in my prose
But then
Rescinded
Misunderstood
Notunderstood
Back into my pocket
For the sake of social flow
💔

Pu Poo

Wednesday was day I-don’t-know-what of my Boston trip. Had a nice lunch with sis, then a family dinner at a “fake” Chinese restaurant. It was an awesomely authentic American experience.

Pu Pu

Because I never hung out with my hometown friends at the local fake American Chinese place, I’d never experienced a Pu Pu Platter… until last night. And neither had Mom.

Mom's First Pu Pu Platter

She looks amused. I was too.

Poo Poo

Dad: (reading news on his phone) Tom Brady’s wife wants a divorce!
Me: (being an ass because it’s funny to rile up Patriots fans) Maybe she decided that if he’s going to cheat at football he’s going to cheat on their marriage.
Mom: (neither cares nor knows anything about sports) Hey! I don’t think he’s a cheater.
Me & Dad: (what just happened?)

Apparently everyone in Boston has Tom Brady’s back. Including Mom. (??!?!?!?!!)

I’m Poo Poo-ing above because [insert giant rant here about legal / government intervention in matters related to professional sports]. It’s freaking entertainment, people.

Overmedicated

Train of thought…

Choo choo: I was looking at an article on how to peel oranges.
Choo choo: I remembered learning how to suprême grapefruit and wanting to show Mom.
Choo choo: I remembered Mom sitting in my dining room telling me she couldn’t have grapefruit because it interacts with one of her medications.

That last thought made me incredibly sad. It made me sad when I heard it and it makes me sad to think about it now. Mom is not unhealthy. She has not mistreated her body. Why, then, is she on medications already? Why does my grandmother take 12 different pills daily when my great-grandmother took none? Have we as a society screwed up our personal health management that badly, or have our doctors all become unwitting pharmaceutical industry shills?

I believe it’s a bit of the former and a lot of the latter.

Drugs make us feel better, keep us healthy, extend our lives. We collectively live longer now than ever before, but is that what we really want, to spend those last few extra years taking 12 drugs a day, tired and weak, mentally incapable of managing our own medications? Is what we have today really better?

I don’t think so. I don’t want that.

I’m not the only one who feels that way.

Filed under: future, dystopia

#siliconvalleyproblems

So today this happened:

Despite the frowny face and post title, I actually consider this a good thing. I live in this amazing place filled with people who bring all sorts of unique experiences and perspectives. It opens our eyes, expands our world view, makes us all better.

In short, it’s great. Except when I want to OMGAWESOME about random probably-grody-to-me-now snack from my childhood.

I Feel Ranty

News that is currently making me rarr:

1. Strava getting sued by the family of a guy who got himself killed riding like a maniac downhill because he wanted his KOM back. It’s not Strava’s fault he was an idiot. (If I ever kill myself riding like a maniac in search of a QOM you can call me an idiot too.) And don’t tell me it’s not nice to speak ill of the dead. Dying doesn’t all of a sudden turn an idiot into a genius. (Or, for that matter, a gang member into a “good kid” or an asshole into a “nice guy”, although those have nothing to do with this particular guy.)

2. Netflix potentially being forced to provide closed captioning. At the risk of sounding like I hate disabled people, which I don’t, but if someone reads this and concludes I do it won’t matter if I say I don’t anyway, if this goes through it will open a huge can of worms. You know those ADA lawsuits that put mom and pop shops out of business? Now imagine that for the internet.

3. An injunction against the Galaxy Tab 10.1. By “virtually indistinguishable,” I believe the judge actually meant to say, “I am a technology n00b,” which leads me to an even larger rant about how our lawmakers don’t understand technology enough to legislate it, and, more importantly, innovation, properly. Speaking of which, the practice of stifling innovation with lawsuits using patents granted by people who don’t understand them is, in a word, disgusting.

I was going to say that these things make me rarr because I can’t do anything about them, but I suppose I could go find the family, the lawsuit plaintiffs, and the judge, punch each of them on the nose, and tell them to quit being a poopiehead. But that might hurt my hand, and poopieheads are not worth hurting my hand on. So rarr.

Rarring doesn’t make me feel better, but run-on sentences do.

iPad schmiPad

I have an .mp4 I want to watch on the iPad. How do I accomplish this?

Drag-and-drop: Nope. There’s no such thing. Too convenient.

iTunes: I don’t want to install iTunes to sync one file. That’s overkill for what should be an easy task, and I really don’t want to sully my newly installed OS with a giant app I will rarely use that wants to update itself every time I open it. Also, iTunes was never able to find the iPad on my old OS. How do I know that after sullying the system it would even work?

Box.net: I use this to sync all my other video files to the iPad. Unfortunately, this file is too big for my free account. It seems silly to pay for an account to do an unnecessarily complicated equivalent of drag-and-drop.

Dropbox: I use Dropbox for NCWHL files and I can’t sync two accounts on the same machine. I could upload the file to my Dropbox account through the website, but I’d still have to install Dropbox on the iPad. Then I would have TED videos downloaded through the iTunes Store in the Videos app, most of my videos obtained by other means in the Box.net app, and a single video that should belong with the Box.net set in the Dropbox app. WTF.

FTP/Network Transfer: I started looking for an app to do this, then wondered why I was wasting my time trying to solve something that shouldn’t be a problem in the first place.

Why can’t I just freaking drag-and-drop?

Dear company: Please buy me an Android tablet next time.

Dead Horse

I was about to tweet yet another rant about the iPad, and I realized I was only going to further mangle the already very dead equine in my Twitter feed. Cry me a river / #firstworldproblem / at least I have an iPad / I didn’t even have to pay for it / I am so ungrateful.

I’m not ungrateful. I’m just astonished. I don’t understand how a device that has on so many occasions made me want to pull my hair out could be so universally revered. If I’d stood in line overnight for one of these things, upon trying to use it the next day I’d want to go back to the store and hurl it through one of those beautiful floor-to-ceiling windows.

*suppress detailed rant about all the things I can’t do on this $500 device*

Instead of wondering ablog about the origin of the phrase “beating a dead horse”, I skipped straight to asking Wikipedia about it. It makes a heck of a lot more sense now.

Hey, look at that, I learned something new today. Thanks, iPad!

Surround Yourself With…

I’m not bad at what I do, but I know there are people who are better at what I do, and when I attend a gathering of people that do (or claim to do) what I do, I don’t want to feel like they’re not good at it. It makes me feel terrible about the state and future of our world. On a personal level, I’m disappointed because there’s no one to learn from.

I felt this way about something specific yesterday, but this feeling is by no means specific.

Kardashian

Some Kardashian was all over the news this morning. Something about a divorce? I don’t know. I don’t care. I didn’t realize she was married. What’s her name? Kim? Is there more than one of them? Why is she famous?

On a broader level, even for celebrities who have done something to “earn” their fame, why do people care? How do the marriages, affairs, fashion choices, and body weight of people I’ve never met affect my life? We have entire shows and magazines devoted to this. I don’t get it.

Which brings me to movies, as they are full of “famous” people I’m supposed to recognize. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve had this conversation:

X: Hey, want to see some movie whose name may or may not sound familiar to me?
V: What’s it about?
X: Oh, it’s got name of actor I’ve never heard of and name of actor whose name may or may not sound vaguely familiar.
V: Um, what’s it about?

Oh, and reality dramas. Don’t even get me started on those. Maybe Snookie will get her own post later this month. (I actually didn’t know who “Snookie” was until I got stuck on a cross country flight with a Jersey Shore marathon earlier this year. What’s that high pitched squeal? Oh, it’s my brain cells dying.)