Ted told me today that Tai Chi masters can convert their chi into heat. They can harness their chi and aim it an object and the object heats up. So now I want to become a Tai Chi master. My short attention span makes it difficult to do that Tai Chi master meditation thing, but I’m willing to try because I really want to be able to set things on fire. Fire is kewl. Especially when it’s someone’s hair.
And just think what I can do on the road! Forget car-mounted lasers. I could just point my finger at someone’s car and melt chunks of it off!
Now this is getting really strange. My second AOL search hit of the morning. I even made it as result number one. This time the search was for “ehs”. Yeah, that’s me, the Environmental Health and Safety department. How can I help you? Need some muffins autopsied?
If you do an AOL search on “autopsies” you get a link to this page. How morbid. I found this out because someone searched for this and clicked their way into my page. They must have been quite confused once they got there. I mean, it’s not like they typed “muffin autopsy” into the search box. Well, at least I’m getting some recognition for my muffin research. Anyway, Eh? is currently at the bottom of the first page of hits so just click on that AOL link above and scroll down.
When I went to print a copy of the fierce grape image one of my coworkers came by and kind of stared at it and wasn’t quite sure what it was. I kept telling him it was a fierce grape and he kept looking at it funny. Finally I held it up for him and he said, “Oh, I was looking at it upside down! I thought it was a sinking luxury liner.” So here it is, the sinking luxury liner grape:
Actually, it looks like a gigantic fierce grape is wrestling the luxury liner to the bottom of the ocean. Just add water!
Okay, someone help me out here. I was in a conversation today that started with something about the “Long ago…” text scroll at the beginning of Star Wars. That was followed by a few exchanges about dizziness and various amusement park rides. The next thing I know, we’re talking about warts. How on earth did we transition into that?
I can’t give usage examples because it’s not my word. Josepi said “Your blog is blammo!” WOooWOoo, as Pookie would say. Is blammo like blimmo? I guess it would be blimo, since the ‘i’ has to be a long vowel. Okay then, here’s a second word of the afternoon:
– Josepi’s fierce grape illustration is blimo!
– My new mood indicator thingy is blimo!
– My pissy mood these last couple days is so un-blimo.
– Dude! Blimo!
Maybe I could just sic a legion of fierce grapes on them.
Let me just say that the parties responsible for Sprint PCS’s system of billing customers for every possible little thing that we are assured we will not be billed for should be strung up and tortured until they die a very slow painful gut-wrenchingly agonizing death. No, forget death, I hope they live a long painful gut-wrenchingly agonizing life as a mentally intact yet physically deformed cripple. That whole blurb about firebombing and nuking was wrong. Most of their employees are just doing their job. But it’s those certain motherfuckers who make my life difficult who deserve to suffer. I want their nails removed, their eyelids flipped up, their ears shredded, their teeth knocked out, their skin peeled off, and acid thrown over all their wounds. And I want some personal time with them so I can kick each of their asses until they can’t sit for the next 6 months. And give me a bat. Don’t worry, I’ll be careful with the head. I want them to be fully aware of their miserable existence for every second of the rest of their lives.
Sprint PCS SO FUCKING SUCKS!
Will somebody please firebomb their headquarters? Or maybe show me how? Better yet, anyone have any nukes I can borrow?
I just tried to change the toilet paper roll and I somehow almost threw out the mounting bar and kept the empty cardboard roll. Is this another sign that I’m getting old? Does it stop here, or will I start throwing out other things I’m not supposed to? Will I throw out my next Snickers bar and try to eat the wrapper? Throw away my new clothes and try to wear the tags? I’m a bit worried that I’ll try to put my contact lens case in my eye tomorrow morning. I bet that would really hurt.