soopahviv.net/blog

August 26, 2009 / Wednesday

This Is Why

I got a letter from Joe Solmonese today. He wanted me to tell him why.

Why what? Why I wasn't a member of HRC anymore, which made me want to scream, "I didn't ask to be a member in the first place!" After months of being bombarded by HRC e-mail, snail mail, and phone calls of every imaginable flavor, I decided to write back to Joe and give him a piece of my mind. In case something happens to my letter in transit, here it is.

Joe,

Okay, I'll tell you why. I gave money to HRC explicitly to help fight Prop 8. I didn't do it because I wanted to become a member. I didn't do it because I wanted more mail in my inbox. I didn't do it because I wanted magazine after magazine that went straight into recycling after I removed the plastic bag it came in. I didn't do it because I wanted continued solicitations for money in the mail. I didn't do it because I wanted offers for an HRC credit card. I didn't do it because I wanted HRC to call me at home repeatedly.

I didn't do it for any that, I didn't ask for any of that, and I don't want any of that. I just wanted to donate money to your efforts and be left alone. So please, leave me alone. Take me off all your lists. Each of the now countless times you've pestered me since my donations has made me less likely to donate in the future. And I'm not the only one who feels this way.

It's quite all right if you don't write me back.

Viv

In 2008, I finally cared enough about a cause to want to do something about it. I'm sad that the very organizations I sided with have since annoyed me to the point of not wanting to contribute to a cause ever again.

- - -

Update: 2009-09-18 @ 1:22 PM

After weeks of seeing HRC on my caller ID at all hours of the day, I finally picked up the phone today to tell them to stop calling. I asked them to take me off their lists, never call me again, and never send me anything again. The lady on the other end said she'd be happy to do so. I hope this works better than my letter did.

- - -

Update: 2009-09-30 @ 8:23 PM

Oh look, it's yet another issue of Equality magazine in my mailbox. The cover says, "Your membership benefit enclosed". That's funny, I could swear I let my membership expire. At least that's what I gathered from the series of "Renew your membership now", "Your membership is expiring soon", "Don't let your membership expire", and "Tell me why you let your membership expire" letters.

Membership status aside, I guess they didn't read the letter I sent them, and only pretended to listen when I told them on the phone never to contact me again.

Off comes the standard plastic sleeve. I wonder if it's recyclable. At least I can recycle the magazine. Sigh.

08:16 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (3)

August 14, 2009 / Friday

Um, You're Welcome?

I got a letter from American Express earlier this month. It reads, briefly:

Important Account Price Increase Notification

• [...] This change will result in an increase to your APR.
• We are raising the APR on [...].
• We are raising the APR on [...].
• We are increasing the late fee. [...]

Thank you for being a Cardmember.

They sure have a funny way of showing their gratitude.

11:05 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (1)

July 15, 2009 / Wednesday

Comcast DVR WTF-Fest

I pay $15.95 a month for the privilege of using a Comcast DVR that has, from day one, been buggy, slow, prone to freezing, and in need of periodic reboots. WTF #1.

These last few weeks, it's started to have issues with recordings. It would jump to the beginning or end of a show when we tried to fast forward or rewind, sometimes just freeze the video while playing audio, or get stuck on certain sections of recorded shows. It seemed as if the hard drive was starting to fail. I asked Aaron if he could part with his shows still on the DVR so I could get a new one. He couldn't, so we limped along, rarring at the thing with ever-increasing frequency.

And then, on Sunday, it failed so spectacularly that we couldn't even rarr. It froze, we rebooted it, and when it came back, all our shows and settings were gone.

Gone. WTF #2.

Today, I finally had time to deal with it. I called Comcast, described what had happened, and asked for a replacement. The CSR directed me to reboot the DVR to fix the problem. Excuse me? Did he really think that a reboot was going to fix a flaky machine that had degraded to the point of losing all my data? Did he actually expect me to trust that this thing wouldn't fail on me again? WTF #3.

I stated as much, and repeated my request for a replacement DVR. "I can send a technician to your house to replace it for $19.95," he replied.

Let me get this straight, I pay $15.95 a month for equipment that works poorly and has just lost all my recordings, and they want me to pay to take care of THEIR equipment failure?! WTF #4.

The other option, which probably cost me more in time than $19.95, was for me to go do the exchange myself at a Comcast office. I told him that there was one near me, in Sunnyvale on El Camino, and asked if he could check to see if they had new, unused DVRs available. I explained that my current, nonfunctional DVR was a used unit from that office, and that they did not have any new units available when I first got this pile of crap. (Okay, I didn't call it a pile of crap on the phone, but I really wanted to.)

After being on hold for five minutes, the CSR came back to say, "Please go to the Comcast center at 717 East El Camino Real in Sunnyvale."

Oh really. Did I not just tell him that exact information?

"Did you check to see if they have new DVRs available?"

"No, I can't check that."

What the hell did he just spend five minutes doing, then? Did he not listen to a single thing I'd said? WTF #5.

"Can you give me their phone number, then, so I can check?"

"I don't have their phone number. You'll have to call 411."

Comcast CSRs do not have contact information for their own offices? WTF #6.

The CSR continued with, "Can I help you with anything else?"

"No. Nothing." Absolutely nothing. You are the most useless CSR on the face of the planet. You have just undone all the pleasant feelings I've accumulated from my last few calls to Comcast. Good job.

I tried to find a number for the Sunnyvale office online, but the Comcast website does not list phone numbers for the individual offices. They all point back to the general service number, with the CSRs who can't tell me anything about what's at the field offices. WTF #7.

Off I went to the Comcast Sunnyvale office for a replacement. I explained what had happened, the fact that I had originally received an old unit that's given me nothing but trouble, and asked for a new, unused unit. They handed me a newer model DVR. I asked if it was new. They said yes.

I went home, plugged it in, and was treated to a DVR chock full of the previous user's shows spanning from April 2008 to May 2009.

New, huh? Fucking liars. WTF #8.

I'm obviously angry, but also disappointed. Comcast has actually done a lot to make my experience with them better these last couple years, to the point where I've actually defended them on certain issues. And now this. What a letdown. Way to screw up what was turning into a pretty good customer relationship, Comcast. Now when someone says "Comcast sucks," I'll go back to agreeing with them.

Seriously Comcast, WTF.

10:39 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (1)

June 19, 2009 / Friday

Open Letter To Safeway

Dear Safeway,

I've given you a lot of feedback in the past. I've used your website, I've used your comment cards, and I've spoken with your employees. None of this seems to have had any effect, so instead of direct communication, I'll just broadcast what I have to say on the internet. It still may not have any effect, but it'll at least make me feel better.

What prompted all this? My latest visit to your Fremont store on Mission Blvd. It's probably the most convenient store for me to visit on weeknights, but I try not to come here when I can help it; there always seems to be ridiculously long checkout lines, and this last visit was no exception.

Still, it wasn't the long lines that pushed me over the edge. The thing that prompted me to sit down and start writing was what I found when I got home: The bagger had decided that out of all my purchases, the best way to send my dozen eggs home was in a plastic bag with two jars of pasta sauce. (She also placed that bag into the cart with a thud.) That slimy stuff on the inside of the bag when I got home? The eggs.

I considered going back to the store to complain in person, but it was too far away. I considered calling the store, but I didn't want to waste my time waiting to get a manager on the line. I considered sending in a complaint through the website, but I've already done that before, and NOTHING HAS CHANGED.

My last bagging complaint through the website had to do with a cashier at the Sunnyvale store on El Camino who thought it was okay to throw my groceries into the bag. Ripe tomatoes, ripe avocados, followed by canned soup. I asked him nicely not to do that, and he apologized. I then sent a note through the website asking Safeway to better train their cashiers and baggers. I guess that note was ignored. That same cashier was throwing groceries into other people's bags the next time I saw him.

I know it's not impossible to train your employees to bag properly, because Trader Joe's does it extremely well. My groceries are always impeccably packed, and those guys visibly take pride in their ability to do so.

Back to what I said about not wanting to call and wait go speak with a manager. I'm actually not so sure that I want to speak to a Safeway manager after witnessing the behavior of one of your managers at the Sunnyvale store on Hollenbeck Ave. He was condescending, dismissive, and rude to the customer in line ahead of me, and during their lengthy exchange that clearly did not need to take place at the register, he thought nothing of the inconvenience he was causing to the growing line of customers. After that experience, we swore never to return, as we did not want to give that manager's store our business. We've kept that promise; it's easy to do so when my stomach turns every time I pass by.

Your poor customer service extends beyond your stores. Earlier this year, you launched FoodFlex, a website that allows Safeway Club Card users to analyze their purchases in the context of health and nutrition. I thought this was a great idea, and signed up for it as soon as it was available.

Upon signup, I got an e-mail that said, "Your Club Card purchase information will be loaded within six hours. You'll receive an email when your information has been loaded into your FoodFlex account."

Seven days later, I still hadn't heard back. I sent an e-mail asking about it, and received a form letter telling me to wait another 72 hours.

Two weeks later, I still hadn't heard back. I sent another e-mail asking about it, noting that I had signed up three weeks ago and asked about it once already two weeks ago. I received the EXACT SAME form letter from the EXACT SAME customer service representative telling me to wait another 72 hours.

I sent back an unhappy reply stating that I had already waited 505 hours for my account to be activated, that I didn't think another 72 hours was going to make anything better, and that I was not enjoying being blown off by customer service.

After sending some requested information, I got a reply from a different CSR that said, "I have contacted my IT Dept. about the issue with your Food Flex account and I am waiting for their response. Once they let me know that they have located what the issue may be I will contact you to let you know how we will resolve this issue for you."

That was in March. I have not heard back since.

I do, however, receive automated monthly e-mails telling me my nutrition snapshot is available. When I log into my account, it tells me, "Thank you for registering for FoodFlex® Your Club Card information is being uploaded. It normally takes up to 6 hours."

So. Much. FAIL.

And while I'm ranting about things that bug me about Safeway, remember my post about how your checkers ask for "cancer donations"? Recently, you added a request for donations screen to the device that customers use to swipe their credit card. It reads something like, "Do you want to donate to PROSTATE CANCER?"

Who in their right mind would want to donate to prostate cancer? *facepalm*

All that said, I don't think you mean to be terrible. To me, it looks as if you mean well at the corporate level, but fail at execution. I liked your store makeovers, I can see that you tell your employees to say hello and ask your customers if they need help, I approve of your efforts to collect donations for good causes, and I think FoodFlex is a great idea. Unfortunately, when it comes to getting the details right, you fall flat on your face. And when your customers contact you to tell you what needs fixing, you ignore them. Not once have I heard back from you after submitting feedback. That tells me you don't actually care about providing your customers a good shopping experience.

Perhaps you could learn a thing or two about good customer service from Peet's.

As my unhappiness has grown, I've found that I can get most of what I need from Trader Joe's, the farmers market, local produce shops, Asian supermarkets, and even Target. Better still, it's cheaper for me to shop at these places than at Safeway.

I just realized that what I'm really writing to say is goodbye. We used to be so close, but instead of visiting you twice a week, I now find myself wanting to see you only once or twice a month. I've found grocery shopping happiness elsewhere.

You may never read this, but I don't think you read anything I sent you through your website anyway. That's okay; I think it's more important that your other customers read it. Perhaps this will jog their memories about all the frowns you've put on their faces in the past. Maybe if we vote with our wallets you'll actually start listening to what we have to say.

Viv

08:56 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

May 10, 2009 / Sunday

BUZMART / DAKMART FAIL

Why? Because they are liars.

April 11 - I want a new cordless phone. I go on Amazon, find the model I want, look at the list of additional merchants selling New, Used, and Refurbished items, scroll to the New section, and find a good price through Buzmart. I double check the details before making my purchase:

Condition: New
Seller note: BRAND NEW. FULL WARRANTY. BULK-PACKED, NOT RETAIL PACKED.

April 21 - The item arrives at work.

April 23 - I arrive at work to find this on my desk:

How many things are wrong with this box?

1. It's not "BRAND NEW." In fact, it says "REFURBISHED" on the box.
2. The contents inside were completely loose and banging into each other.
3. Some of the components were not even "Refurbished". They were used, and DIRTY.

I immediately send them the following e-mail through Amazon:

I purchased a NEW Uniden DECT2080-2, and what arrived was a very poorly packed boxed labeled "Refurbished" with what appears to be used and still dirty product thrown inside. This is absolutely not acceptable, and I want a refund of my purchase and shipping costs. Also, please provide a return shipping label so I can send this back to you.

They reply with:

You will receive an e-mail at [my e-mail address] with a pre-paid return label for a full refund

April 24 - Still no return label.

April 25 - Still no return label.

April 26 - Still no return label.

April 27 - Still no return label. I send them this e-mail through Amazon:

I wanted to follow up on our last exchange from 4/23. I still have not received a shipping label for my return. Can you please send, or resend?

I receive a voicemail shortly after saying they kept trying to send me the label, but it wasn't getting through.

April 28 - I give them a call and resolve the e-mail shipping label issue. Since I have them on the line, I ask why they sent me a refurbished/used item when the item description clearly stated that what they were selling is new. The response?

It says "New", but that means it's "Refurbished to New".

That makes so little sense I decide to end the conversation.

Seriously, what the hell does "Refurbished to New" mean? Here's a brief primer on the relationship between "New" and "Refurbished".

New --> Used <--> Refurbished

You CANNOT go back to "New". Ever.

So either they're stupid, or they're liars. Let's assume for a moment that they aren't liars, and really are stupid enough to think that you can "Refurbish" something to "New". Some of the items in that box were not "Refurbished", but flat out "Used". How do I know? Because they were STILL DIRTY. That means they're either *really* stupid, or they're liars.

I receive a shipping label through e-mail later that day.

May 1 - I finally find time to drop the box off at the post office. I'm not happy about having to take time out to help fix their mistake.

May 4 - The item arrives back at BUZMART / DAKMART.

May 5 - I hear nothing.

May 6 - I hear nothing.

May 7 - I send them the following e-mail through Amazon:

USPS tracking shows that you received the returned product on 5/4. When will I receive my full (product plus original shipping) refund?

30 minutes later, they reply:

The refund has already been issued

30 minutes after that, I receive a refund notification from Amazon.

Now, it may well be that they issued a refund before I sent my inquiry and it was just floating around in Amazon's system, but given that Amazon's system has pretty much always been instant and speedy for all my transactions, I'm inclined to believe that "The refund has already been issued" is a lie.

Or, should I say, yet another lie.

May 8 - Refund reaches my account.

May 10 - I confirm that the refund has reached my account and write this post.

That was a massive waste of time. BUZMART / DAKMART will never see my business again. I'll leave you to decide whether you want to give them yours, should the opportunity ever present itself.

11:23 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

January 27, 2009 / Tuesday

Budget Car Rental FAIL

I've been meaning to write this post for 5 days now. I finally have a moment to do so. (This is at the expense of last week's NCWHL stats, but you all don't want me doing stats while I'm distracted by my stuffy head anyhow. Trust me.)

Got into LAS for the annual tournament and headed for the airport's snazzy new(ish) giant car rental center. We had a reservation with Budget, and I walked right up to the counter upon arrival. No line. That's good, right?

The disinterested CSR at the counter looked up my reservation, then radioed the people in the parking lot for a car. While we waited, she joked loudly with a coworker about how she wouldn't be working there if she wanted a job that paid decently. Several forevers later, they radioed back with a number. She tried to find it in the system. No luck.

CSR: What are you here for?
Me: A hockey tournament.
CSR: Would you like to upgrade to a convertible Mustang?
Me: Where would I put the hockey gear?
CSR: How about an Escalade? It's on special. Only $30 extra per day. That's a $100 savings.
Me: (How is $30 extra per day a savings?) No thanks.
CSR: (Harumphy face.)

The CSR went off to do something on a different computer.

While I was waiting some more, I overheard another CSR radioing for a 12 person van. The reply: We have no van. The CSR radioed back: But they have a reservation. The reply: But we have no van. CSR: But they have a reservation. The reply: But we have no van. Glad I didn't try to reserve a van. Reservations apparently mean nothing at Budget!

Also while I was waiting some more, I overheard a third CSR talking to the customer at the station next to mine. "Would you like to upgrade for free for $5 a day?" My mind, it boggled at Budget's definition of "free" and "savings".

My CSR came back. She radioed that she had changed the status on our SUV so that it was now rentable. (To me, this meant it was not in rentable condition until she tricked the computer into thinking it was.)

CSR: Would you like full or basic coverage?
Me: I want the least expensive option.
CSR: Okay, then. Basic.

She printed up my contract, and the price came out to about $100 more than my reservation cost.

Me: My reservation says $150.
CSR: Oh, that's without coverage.
Me: I don't want coverage.
CSR: (Some schpiel that was supposed to scare me into wanting coverage.)
Me: Please remove coverage.
CSR: (Harumph.)

This displeased me greatly. Why? Because even though there are three options for coverage (none, basic, and full), she offered me only two, and didn't give me the "least expensive option" even after I told her that's what I wanted. IMO, she was trying to trick me into accepting basic coverage. Does this kind of deception (don't forget "free" and "savings") sound familiar? Budget's sales practices, no better than Discover Card's.

CSR: They said it'd take 10 minutes to wash, and it's been five minutes, so you can head down in another five minutes.

20 minutes later, we were standing next to a still-empty parking space, waiting for the car.

Eventually, it came. We drove off. When we parked, I tried to lock it. The remote didn't work. Janky!!! (Just like its dirty seats.)

I spent the weekend getting into the car by unlocking the driver side door with the key, opening the door, and pressing unlock to let everyone in. Each time we parked, I had to run to the back to unload my gear, then run back to the front to lock up, all the while hoping I wouldn't accidentally lock the keys in the car.

I had the following conversation upon returning the car:

CSR: Where did you rent this vehicle?
Me: Here.
CSR: And you had it for three days?
Me: Yup.
CSR: Oh. The system says you drove it 30,000 miles.
Me: *blink blink*

She was really nice and fixed it without any problem, but sheesh, Budget, you don't even know how many miles you have on your cars?

I bet the tricksy disinterested CSR from Thursday screwed it up when she changed the car's status.

I think I'll go with a different car rental company the next time I go to Vegas. How about National? I like green.

11:04 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

Discover Card FAIL

I've been, for the last 13 years, a pretty happy holder of a Discover Card. After today, not so much.

I got a new card in the mail yesterday with the following:

Why you're getting a new card - A merchant has advised us that your current Discover Card account information may have been compromised. For the security of your account, we upgraded the security features of your card without changing your account number.

If you're wondering what those "upgraded security features" are, it looks like all they did was issue a new card with different CVVs.

The letter said my old card would be deactivated in a week, so I called to activate the new one.

Activation was simple, but then the representative on the phone launched into a schpiel about "protecting" my account, boring me with details about all the wonderful things that service does (perhaps to hide the bit about how much it would cost), finishing with, "I'll get that set up for you, okay?"

No, that's not okay. That's Discover Card trying to trick me into adding a paid service to my account. I was not pleased.

He then launched into another long schpiel about some other service I really had to have for some other kind of "protection". He finished this second schpiel in a similar fashion. No, let's NOT enable my account with this lovely other feature that you want to charge me for.

I asked to find out why exactly they had to issue me a new card. He replied that he did activations only and transferred me to a CSR.

I asked the CSR what was going on, and she gave me a generic blurb about how their security department does periodic screens and how they sent cards out to everyone. Everyone?

"You're telling me you sent a new card out to every single Discover Card holder this month?"

"No..." A couple minutes passed, and she returned to tell me that they sent 3,118 cards out for this particular merchant issue.

I asked for the merchant name. She said she didn't have that information. I asked her to find out.

A few more minutes passed. I was told that she couldn't tell me the merchant name because the case was "under investigation". I asked how long an investigation would take. She didn't know. I told her I still wanted to know the merchant name. She said she'd transfer me to the security department.

Click. I got a recording that told me to press 1 if I wanted to rate my service experience, otherwise, hang up.

Transfer, my ass! I pressed 1.

Click. I got another recording. This one said that my call could not be completed, and disconnected me.

So let's see here. One of the merchants in the Discover network can't keep my information secure, Discover won't tell me which merchant it is, and when I press for that information, they hang up on me. This is in addition to trying to bullshit an initial answer to my question, pretending to care about service experience feedback, and trying to trick me into adding pay services to my card, twice.

Guess which card I won't be using much from now on.

Update: I sent them an e-mail about it. Let's see what they say.

Another update: I went to cut the old card and accidentally cut the new one. How appropriate.

Two days later update: They replied to the e-mail with "I am unable to provide any further information" and the usual schpiel about how I should feel safe using my card. Not that I don't; I just want to know which merchant isn't properly protecting my card info so I can decide how to deal (or not deal) with them in the future. I guess I won't be replacing that cut up new card they sent me for a while. Still unhappy.

03:56 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (3)

December 15, 2008 / Monday

Smith Barney, You FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL!!!

Sometime in the last few months, Smith Barney upgraded their Benefit Access website. At first, I thought this was a good thing. I'd had a goodly amount of trouble with their previous website, which locked me out with no informative message while still letting me log in with a really silly browser back and forth hack, and then one day got a minor upgrade that locked me out for good, which resulted in much frustration and several phone calls before the whole thing was resolved.

With this major upgrade, I figured they'd go all slick and AJAX-ey like the rest of the internet. Boy, was I wrong. They redid the entire site in Flash!

YUCK!!

What's wrong with you people??

Fast forward to today. My company's stock has finally crept up to an acceptable price for me to sell some ESPP shares. I logged in and clicked the "Sell Shares" button. It crashed Firefox.

Okay, maybe that was a fluke. I logged in and clicked the "Sell Shares" button again. It crashed Firefox.

I fired up Internet Explorer. I logged in and their site told me I needed Adobe Flash Player 9. Why would I want to install 9 if I have 10 on my system already? I closed IE.

I fired up Chrome. I logged in and clicked the "Sell Shares" button. It crashed Shockwave.

It was now clear to me that I wouldn't be able to place my order online. I called their customer service number to try to sell my shares via the automated phone system.

The automated phone system thought I still worked at my last company, and couldn't find my ESPP account for my current company.

Eventually, I got a human on the line. Placing an order through a human is a major pain. I don't know how many times I had to confirm, verify, and repeat information. I understand that they do this to make sure they get all the details of the order correct, but it's tedious, annoying, and a giant waste of time, especially when I should have been able to place the order in less than a minute online.

I did finally get to place my order, right after the stock fell below my limit price. It's still falling. Argh.

Their website offers no obvious way to contact them with issues. The customer service representative didn't bother to escalate or try to resolve any of my issues with their website or automated phone system. She even told me to go use the website, at which point I reminded her that the reason I was talking to her was because their website kept crashing on me.

You would think that a brokerage firm, especially one as established as Smith Barney, would make it easy for their customers to do something as simple and common as selling shares. You would think.

I really hope my next company doesn't use them for stock option / RSA / ESPP management.

11:53 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

November 29, 2008 / Saturday

Goodbye, Park SFO

To: Park SFO Management

I'm writing to tell you how displeased I am as a customer to show up at Park SFO after receiving a "Holiday Special" coupon with a TURKEY on it, only to find that you have decided not to honor that coupon for Thanksgiving week. That is very poor business practice, not much different from a bait and switch. Many of us parked there anyway because we had flights to catch, but I, for one, will not be giving you my business after this. I will also be telling all my friends about it so they don't mistakenly show up for your "specials" in the future.

That's what I just sent them through their website contact form. It's easy to tell all your friends (and, conveniently, the rest of the internet) when you have a blog. :)

- - -

Update: December 1, 2008 @ 4:42 PM

When I returned to the lot on Sunday, I saw signs that more specifically said no to bigger, better coupons that I did not receive in the mail. Without having taken a picture of the sign I saw last Wednesday, I cannot say for sure whether they truly were excluding my 10% off plus one day free offer then. It could be that I simply misread. It could also be that they relented after getting numerous complaints. I got the discount I came for. I left appeased.

I can't say the same for those with the bigger, better coupons. They were pissed, but their repeated complaints fell on deaf ears, as the lady in the payment office decided to simply ignore them. Customer relations FAIL!

10:41 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

September 19, 2008 / Friday

What's That Sucking Sound?

Summer, you have sucked. Spring probably sucked too, but I don't remember. I know it's not your fault, but you're the easiest way to lump all of the recent and current suckiness together.

Being broken sucks. I'm not so acutely broken that I can't do anything, but I can't do some things, and the things I still can do I can't do as well as I should. And it hurts. And I'm not sure how to fix it.

My car being broken also sucks. I've spent three grand on it in the last three months, not including regular maintenance and gas. I don't want to part with it even though I think it's time, but then there's that whole giant work commute thing, which is not what I want to wear down a new car with, and is probably what broke my car in the first place.

Work sucks. This wasn't always the case, but the growing number of sucks over the last year are now quite noticeably outweighing the unsucks, which I'd blather about here if it weren't for my policy of not talking much about work in my blog.

Being statistician for my hockey league this past season has sucked. It's hard to keep good records when the people who are supposed to give me the information I need don't bother to. I reckon certain people just are the way they are, so in an attempt to reduce the suck, this season I'll try for redundancy in the incoming information pipe.

I suck. I've wanted to visit my family for over half a year now and I haven't. Now it's starting to get cold back home, and I loathe the cold, so I probably won't visit for another few months. I think my delay is due in part to the fact that I'm avoiding my mom, whom I love dearly, but who makes me feel lower than dirt when she trains her hypercritical eye (and mouth) on me and my life. That sucks too.

Having to read this sucks. But I didn't force you to. I'd suck even more if I did.

- - -

All that said, I objectively understand that my life doesn't suck compared to that of a lot of other people's, but I really needed to just get that out.

11:57 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

September 06, 2008 / Saturday

I Feel Strangely Giddy Today

Dear Tree Hippies,

It's been a year and half since I last wrote. I hear there's been quite a bit of action in your neck of the woods (Oh, sorry, there's not much of that left anymore huh?) this weekend. How do you like your new view? Can you see across the bay from the bottom platform? I bet it gets hot in the sun with no tree cover, but you can probably catch a pretty good breeze up there now.

Hey, did you happen to catch the football game this afternoon? Oh, wait, you don't have TV in that tree. Lemme tell ya, you missed one heck of a rout. Go Bears!

Remember that not very nice thing I said in my last letter? I meant it. Get the hell off my campus, before I come use you for BB practice.

Still no love,

Viv

P.S. Don't act so taken aback. BBs aren't any worse than feces, glass bottles, or the other projectiles you've been hurling from your illegal perches.

07:56 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

August 09, 2008 / Saturday

Learn To Pave, Caltrans!

680 South got a little road repair this summer. The result? Transitions between old and newly paved stretches of road so rough that it makes my CDs skip. And for parts of the road where they simply filled in the potholes, they didn't level them out and created a bunch of bumps instead. I know that my car has sensitive suspension, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect that when Caltrans works on our roads, their workers leave the surface smoother than before they started.

It really feels as if no one bothers to do their job (official or not; I mean that in a broad sense of the word) properly these days. What happened to taking pride in one's work? Sometimes I wonder why I bother, given that so many others around me (and who often directly affect me) don't.

In the end, I always do bother. I have to look at myself in the mirror every morning, and I want to be able to respect the person looking back at me. So if I ever fill a pothole for you, you can trust I'll level it out before I declare it done.

03:20 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

August 01, 2008 / Friday

I Hope The People Elect More Wisely Next Time

A couple yell racial slurs at a group of Indians, THEN beats one of them up while yelling more racial slurs, and the judge rules it's not a hate crime.

The dismissal of the hate crime charge in this case should be considered a hate crime.

This travesty of justice brought to you by the Presiding Judge of the El Dorado County Superior Court, the Honorable Suzanne N. Kingsbury.

Honorable. How exactly?

08:19 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

July 11, 2008 / Friday

It's That Time Of Month Again

That time of month when I'm mad, so mad, that I want to throw things, scream, yell, cry, bang my head against the wall. No, it's not PMS, it's my monthly Comcast bill.

Biggest waste of money ever.

03:34 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (5)

July 05, 2008 / Saturday

Yay Checker, Boo Safeway

A couple months ago, I complained about Safeway checkers asking for "cancer donations" and stated that the next checker to ask me for a donation properly would get one. Last week, it finally happened.

Safeway Checkout Lady: Would you like to make a donation to (I missed this word) cancer research?
- I almost said no out of habit, but stopped just in time when I realized she'd said "research". -
Me: N... Actually, yes, I would.

I went on to thank her for asking me to donate to research and not to cancer, and she was very excited that someone noticed.

I finished paying and headed for the door. Then I looked at my receipt.

According to the receipt, I had just made a one dollar prostate cancer donation. Sigh.

That's it, no more donations at Safeway.

11:08 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (1)

May 18, 2008 / Sunday

Waah

Some people like to whine (on, and on, and on) in person. I like to do most of it on my blog. This, of course, immortalizes me on the internet as a whiner (oh noes), but I look at it this way: It's human to whine. It's healthy to vent. Whining in person follows a push model; the person being whined at either has to sit through it, which is not fun and somewhat stressful, or tell the other person to quit whining, which will probably hurt their feelings. On the other hand, whining in a blog follows a pull model; if you don't want to hear my whining, you can stop reading. Simple as that.

So no, I'm not going to stop whining here. And it'd be great if more people started blogging. It'd save us all a lot of push model whine time.

This post brought to you by the three posts immediately preceding, which were nothing but whine.

05:05 PM | Blog/Website:Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

May 15, 2008 / Thursday

Cancer Donation

Let it be known that I will never ride for AIDS or walk for cancer.* Why? Because I don't like AIDS and cancer. Why should I do anything for them? Would I ride, walk, or run to raise money for AIDS or cancer research, or to support those afflicted with these diseases? Absolutely. But geez, people, your lazy grammar makes it sound like you're supporting the very thing you're working to cure! No, I won't give you money until you get it right!

So, Safeway checkers, quit asking me to "donate money to breast cancer." And PLEASE don't ask me what the checker tonight said to the lady in front of me: "Would you like to make a cancer donation?" I sure hope she doesn't have any to donate.

The next checker to ask me properly will (1) surprise the hell out of me and (2) elicit a donation.

* To be clear, since I'm complaining about people not being clear, I'm not opposed to the events themselves, but just the lazy way its supporters and participants incorrectly describe them.

11:03 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

May 07, 2008 / Wednesday

Inconsiderate Thoughts About Inconsiderate People

I heard about a motorcycle accident on the radio this morning, and I thought, "Oh no," followed by, "I hope it's one of those inconsiderate rev-happy assholes with the Harleys across the street."

Those of you who don't follow me on Twitter probably don't know what I'm talking about. Let me fill you in. There's a house full of quality people just a stone's throw from my apartment. Every morning around 7:45 and 8:00, a couple of them leave for work on their Harleys. They start the bike, rev the bike, set off car alarms, and then take off at full throttle. The first Harley serves as a grating alarm; the second as an equally grating snooze alarm. Sometimes, when they come home on their Harleys in the middle of the night, they like to announce their return to all of us with a few revs in the driveway. And in the summertime, they enjoy driveway gatherings with friends where they listen to music from their Harley radios. They're quite generous about sharing their music with the rest of the neighborhood. Quality people, yes they are.

Anyway, back to my reaction to the news report this morning.

My third thought was, "Gosh, what a terrible thought," followed by, "I hope I never cause anyone to think something like that about me."

It was that fourth thought that prompted me to write this post. If you ever find yourself wishing some sort of horrible fate upon me (getting run over by a lane striper, being swallowed by a Super Mario grouper, ending up on the underside of a giant meteor, getting abducted by aliens, etc.), it means I'm doing something really wrong, and you should definitely tell me. I'll fix it, or try hard to. And if I don't, it probably means you're too late, and I've already been abducted (and replaced) by aliens.

Maybe the aliens are on their way, after thought number two above. I hope they're the bug-eyed green kind and not the birth-out-of-your-abdomen-screaming kind.

09:17 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

April 09, 2008 / Wednesday

Free Tibet?

All this Olympic torch protest Free Tibet speak makes me wonder: What exactly is it that they're yelling for? I sure hope it's not for a return to the way Tibet was before China took over; serfdom sucks more than Communism, methinks.

Or maybe they mean we should Free Tibet like we Freed Iraq. What a glowing success that was. Look at them prosper! Yes, that's definitely the way to go. Let's roll!

Or maybe they mean neither of those and I'm purposely being an ass about the whole thing because I'm feeling Comcastic this evening. Screw you and your humanitarian struggles, I'm angry about my cable bill!

Woops, I think that last statement just cost me my Amnesty International membership. So much for all those letters I wrote back in high school.

In related ridiculousness...

I can't help but to have this sort of South Park-esque scenario in my mind about how the Dalai Lama isn't really the Nobel Peace Prize-winning angel that the world perceives him to be, and that it's all just an act so he can win his little mountain-top palace back as a first step toward world domination. But don't worry, Stan and Kyle will figure him out and save the day. They might even get a little help from Satan and Saddam along the way.*

* If you didn't get that reference, you may want to consider watching more South Park. Satan's adorable.

11:23 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (5)

Pic of the Day

The accompanying caption: A Tibetan supporter, right, argues with a Chinese supporter at a rally for China's Olympic torch at the Ferry Plaza in San Francisco, Wednesday, April 9, 2008. (AP Photo/Jeff Chiu)

I really don't think that screaming in someone's face is going to persuade them to see your side of the issue. This picture does a pretty good job of summing up how I feel about protests and protesters. Expression is fine, but too often the individuals involved cross the line from civil expression to violence (yelling in someone's face is quite violent, IMO) and destruction. Do they realize that behaving that way is detrimental to their cause?

What a dumbshit.

03:59 PM | Pic:Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

March 29, 2008 / Saturday

Why I Hate Cleaning The Bathroom

Hair! Everywhere! Drives me crazy! Makes me want to pull my hair out! But then there'd be more Hair! Everywhere! And I'd be bald.

But the bathroom is clean now.

02:40 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

March 19, 2008 / Wednesday

Forum

They were discussing Iraq this morning on Forum.

Guest: We're giving guns to people we were shooting at 2 years ago.
Other guest: They changed sides. They're on our side now.

What's that? You say you're not trying to kill me anymore? WELL THEN HERE'S A GUN, FRIEND! Welcome aboard!

10:04 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

March 17, 2008 / Monday

Redundancy Rant Redundancy Rant

Okay, so what's the deal with cars that sport license plate frames that have the car make and/or model on them? Don't the owners realize that their car already displays that information on the badge? Why do I need to be told that a Dodge is a Dodge twice, or that a Mustang is a Mustang twice? I already know! I saw the badge! Plus, if the car is cool enough to deserve a special license plate frame telling people what kind of car it is, the people who care probably already know what kind of car it is! I wish these people would stop repeating themselves repeating themselves. Pffffft. Pffffft.

11:19 PM | Rant/Whine:Road Ramblings| Comments (3)

February 12, 2008 / Tuesday

That's Comcastic!

Me: My cable and internet are flaking on and off badly today. Can you please fix it?
Comcast: Oh, we're pulling cables out of the ground in your area. Did you not get the memo?*

No, I did not get the friggin' memo.

* To be fair, they said, "We usually send out a letter thirty days before the work is done." Still, I did not get the friggin' letter.

12:00 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (1)

January 21, 2008 / Monday

Support Like It's 1999

Me: My USB KVM broke. May I have a replacement?
IT: All we have is a PS/2 KVM. Will this meet your needs?
Me: A PS/2 KVM won't work with my setup. Can we order a replacement?
IT: *silence*

Oh, sorry, the internet says their PS/2 KVM (they gave me the model number) is from 2002, not 1999.

I suppose if I still used one of those old school (IBM?) clicky keyboards I'd be up and running again.

Oh, and this is par for my interactions with the IT group at the new office. So far I've put in four requests. The first one I had to request twice, the second one went into a black hole, the third one I had to follow up on by copying my boss (it was then "fixed" by handing it off to a techie QA person), and it's looking like this fourth one is headed for the same black hole as request number two.

Looks like I'll have to procure my own replacement KVM. Too bad it wasn't my monitor that broke.

05:32 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

January 11, 2008 / Friday

Outer Sunset Everywhere

That's what it feels like, at least. This energy sapping bummed feeling I can't manage to shake reminds me of my 1.5+ crappy years living in Outer Sunset. Perpetual overcast is not for me. Maybe I should get a winter home in Australia.

11:46 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

January 10, 2008 / Thursday

SAD?

Dear Gloomy Layer Of Rain Clouds,

Please go away. You block the big glowy thing in the sky and make me sad.

Bring back the glowy thing!

Viv

P.S. Until then I'll be at home, moping, sleeping, and eating junk food with a frowny face.

02:45 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

December 27, 2007 / Thursday

I Hate Winter

It's cold out so I can't ride.
I get super sniffly sick so I can't do anything else, either.*
There's tasty food everywhere that demands to be eaten.
I feel like a cow. Moo.

* Okay, I'm golfing and hiking and playing a bit of hockey, but my current activity level is way below what I'm used to, and not enough to burn off all the holiday tastiness I've been consuming. Waah.

12:28 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

November 19, 2007 / Monday

Bay Area Smug Alert

Dear Prius Drivers of the Bay Area (BH and McJedi excluded),

Now that I'm spending a lot more time on the roads, I'm realizing that you people are among the most impatient drivers out there. Half the time when I see a vehicle jerk to the right and zip away in speedy anger, it's a Prius! You're not *really* driving those things for the gas mileage, are you? Perhaps you bought the car for its remote keyfob door unlocking start button action? Or maybe you just enjoy that warm smuggy feeling you get from having a carpool sticker on your rear bumper.

Gas mileage reducing behavior aside, why can't you people park? Every time I visit the Whole Foods in Cupertino I see at least one Prius parked diagonally in (and extending out of) its space. You've already destroyed your gas mileage blowing by people on the road; it won't hurt your numbers that much more to roll backward a few feet and straighten your car out.

What is wrong with you people? Are you high off your own farts or something?

- - -

Maybe this is just backlash from the fact that I start singing that "bom-bom-bombombom-bom bom bom bom-bom..." song from the Prius Yes commercial every time I see one of these things roll by.

09:32 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

October 18, 2007 / Thursday

Boo, Best Buy, Boo

The Foo Fighters have a new album out, as does Matchbox Twenty. I wanted their CDs, and nowww, so I looked up their prices on the Best Buy website ($9.99) and went to a store to pick them up. At the store, I easily found the CDs in the $9.99 aisle. When the cashier rang them up, however, they were $13.99 each. I protested, and she said that only certain CDs in the $9.99 aisle were actually $9.99, and that those ones had a special tag on the sign above them. Huh? So the $9.99 aisle isn't really the $9.99 aisle? And your website sells at different prices from your stores, even though you're the same company?

I bought the CDs anyway because I wanted them, but their shady $9.99 advertising didn't sit well with me and I decided to return them. I'm buying my CDs from Amazon instead; they're $9.97 and $9.99 there, and I don't have to pay tax. Take that, Shady Buy!

11:28 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

October 01, 2007 / Monday

I Thought This Was A News Site?

Monks are being slaughtered and shackled by the thousands in Burma.

CNN elects to report on Britney instead.

02:05 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

September 21, 2007 / Friday

Blinky Terror

First Mooninites, now a geeky art hoodie?

Do they really think that if a terrorist (Oh! Gasp! How evil!) wanted to blow something up they'd take the time to adorn the bomb with eye catching blinky lights?

Yup, that's my home state, land of paranoid shit for brains law enforcement. Doin' me proud once again.

Watch out, it has LEDs! It might blink you to death!

01:03 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

September 05, 2007 / Wednesday

Idiots Pedal Around Too

I almost had a head-on collision on my bike today... with another bicyclist! The idiot was talking on his cell phone, weaving through a small crowd on the street, trying to get on a tricky uphill entrance to the pedestrian bridge I was coming down on. Idiot, idiot, idiot! He said sorry, but he doesn't know how sorry he'd be if he'd hit me!

On a happier note, I really like that my residential route home from work lets my nose sample several cuisines' worth of dinner wafting from houses along the way. Indian, Thai, Italian, Filipino... Hrm, what shall I have for dinner tonight?

06:53 PM | Rant/Whine:Road| Comments (2)

August 29, 2007 / Wednesday

At Least The Handwriting's Neat

Home Team: Blue
Away Team: White

Followed by...

Home: White
Away: Blue

No goalies, no rosters.

This, from a veteran scorekeeper. How disappointing.

We should require that scoresheets meet a minimum standard for scorekeeper payment.

[ Update to update: Killed update. ]

10:54 PM | Hockey:Rant/Whine| Comments (9)

August 28, 2007 / Tuesday

Tuesday Evening Fucktard

It's never, ever, EVER okay to run a red light on a right turn while accelerating your shitty bus like a madman for the sole purpose of pulling in front of me in the bike lane so you can slam on your brakes at the bus stop on the other side of the corner. I had to brake, swerve, and clip out to avoid slamming into the back of your mobile deathtrap, which, by the way, is badly in need of a wash. You, Mr. Bus Driver, are ten times the fucktard that Mr. Slow Ass was this morning.

I do not want to die by running into the back of a bus. It's way too laughably inglorious for my taste.

06:18 PM | Rant/Whine:Road| Comments (0)

Tuesday Morning Fucktard

It's okay if you pass me because you're faster, but don't pass me for the sake of passing me and then ride like a slow ass fucktard. If there hadn't been traffic in the lane next to us I would have passed you back. As it was, I was trying my best not to bump your tire. Fucktard!

The fucktard must have pissed me off, because I then...

(1) passed another cyclist going up the Wolfe overpass. This was even a real cyclist, all wiry legged and in gear on a road bike, not one of those tubby dudes sporting baggy jeans on a little squirt Huffy. Hooray for mash.

(2) made it into work in record time: 13:41, 31 seconds faster than my last record. Riding to work usually takes me somewhere between 15-17 minutes. Hooray for new records!

If I come across the fucktard again I'm totally bumping his ass off the road.

09:28 AM | Rant/Whine:Road| Comments (4)

August 27, 2007 / Monday

Bear With Me, I Need To Waah

It's okay for me to apply for something and not succeed. If someone else was better, or if I simply wasn't good enough, so be it. I don't mind working harder to succeed the next time.

That said...

Last year, I applied for a fellowship at school. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I felt I had a chance. I didn't get the fellowship, but that was okay. I'd tried my best, and I figured that the person who got it must have been better somehow.

Earlier this month, I attended our monthly student presentations. This is the same series I presented at last month with pink donuts as props. There were some decent presentations, and one excruciatingly painful presentation. Quite frankly, it was the WORST PRESENTATION I'VE EVER SEEN. The speaker just stood there in front of everyone reading from a printout.

A few days later, some tiny part of the back of my brain remembered the speaker's name from somewhere. The thought faded and returned several times over the next couple weeks.

Today, I finally remembered to look it up. As that tiny bit of brain had suspected, the presenter of the WPIES had been the recipient of the fellowship I wasn't good enough for a year prior.

This makes me wonder, what did WPIES do to deserve the fellowship?

Whatever it was, it'd better have been damned stellar.

- - -

On a whim, I downloaded the WPIES PowerPoint and looked at the notes. I Googled a sentence from one of the slide notes and found an article with two full paragraphs of what had been read to us. Was the article included as even a reference? No.

Performance and leadership my ass. Whether I applied for that fellowship or not, this person should NOT have received it. I don't care how many contributions they made to the program, or how much financial need they had. That uninspired, unrehearsed, partially plagiarized presentation that we've had two years to prepare for should be reason enough for disqualification.

That's just fucked up.

04:45 PM | Rant/Whine:School| Comments (7)

August 06, 2007 / Monday

Maximize, Don't Resize

Applications that resize themselves to screen dimensions instead of maximizing annoy me. They fool me into thinking that they're maximized, and when I swing the mouse over to the upper right corner of the screen (yes, I often use the mouse for actions that I can perform without looking carefully at the screen) to close the window I end up closing the truly maximized window underneath.

Then I rarr, and blog about how much this annoys me.

01:34 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

August 02, 2007 / Thursday

Warm Soda Is Gross

Our ice cube trays have disappeared, and the ice machine is still broken.

How can we be expected to work under such squalid conditions?

02:21 PM | Food:Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

July 31, 2007 / Tuesday

There's A Reason We Have Source Control

I'm about ready to strangle someone right now.

So my coworker is on vacation. That's great for him, and usually bad news for me, because one or more of his apps will invariably break when he's not around to fix it.

Today, one of those apps broke. A user e-mailed my boss, and my boss e-mailed me. No big deal, I thought. I examined the error and went looking for the application in source control.

Nothing. Well, that's just wonderful. I couldn't leave the app broken, so I decided to work with what I had. I decompiled the current app and started digging through the code.

All that digging led me to a source file I didn't have. That file lived in one of our libraries. Great, I thought, I'll just find the source for that library. Into source control I went again, looking, looking...

Nothing. WTF? Fine. I decompiled the library and continued digging. That led me to where the problem was in the code, but then I realized I couldn't repackage the fix because the library didn't fully decompile successfully. More wonderfulness.

In the end, because the bug was unique enough to occur only today, I hacked a higher level fix and deployed the application on an alternate server for use until tomorrow. But geez, this was a LOT harder than it should have been.

And so, I leave you with today's PSA, etched into the annals of the internet in the form of an angry Tweet: Check in your fucking code, people!

- - -

I will allow for the possibility that said code was indeed in source control and I simply couldn't find it, but in that case I would say: Well why the fuck would you put it there?

- - -

Okay, I'm done now. The app's back up, I've done my venting, and soon it will be snacktime.

Snacktime will make everything better.

01:47 PM | PSA/NTS:Rant/Whine| Comments (8)

July 08, 2007 / Sunday

Stomach Flu Sucks

Gatorade and chicken soup are getting old.

04:27 PM | Food:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

July 03, 2007 / Tuesday

I Declare Break Room Mutiny!

The break room in my building is totally slummin' these days. Our toaster has disappeared (that means no cinnamon raisin toast, which means no PB and honey, which makes for a pouty me), the Diet Sprite is out of syrup, and the hot chocolate machine dispenses water.

To the credit of whoever stocks the break room in my building, we've had a steady supply of wheat bread (and no yucky herb rolls) since my whiny post three months ago. We even get cinnamon raisin bagels once or twice a week. Of course, none of that matters until we get our toaster back. I need crunch, dangit!

[ Update: I almost forgot, our ice machine broke a month or two ago, and they "fixed" it by turning it off and giving us a couple ice cube trays. ]

02:47 PM | Food:Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

June 22, 2007 / Friday

Group Dinners

Are people math stupid, or just cheap, and why do I always feel compelled to cover for them?

07:20 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

June 19, 2007 / Tuesday

North Side Monopoly

Aaron bought a TV and put it in my living room, which meant it was time for me to upgrade my analog cable. I looked into various provider options before being reminded that as a North facing apartment dweller with picky neighbors who would likely find a satellite dish unseemly, I had only one option: Comcast. Darn. I was hoping to move away from them.

I looked up some prices on the Comcast website and nearly fell over. I decided to call instead, and got a much more reasonable price for digital cable, HD, whatever package has the Speed Channel, an HD DVR, and internet.

The "customer service executive" was really rude, though. He was somewhat combative, talked too fast, and didn't let me finish my sentences. Clearly, he's in the wrong profession. Then again, maybe that's all he could get. *shrugs*

I went to pick up my DVR from the local office. The DVR works fine, but is used. I asked whether they had any new ones. No, the disinterested CSR (CSE?) replied, that office doesn't get any new ones. Too bad for me for living in the city with the crappy Comcast office? *shrugs again*

I got home, hooked everything up, let the box do its setup download, and... nothing. I saw a full copy of the schedule and a message that told me to wait for the channels. Nine hours later, same message. It took a late night phone call for them to fix things. A least the guy on the phone was nice.

This morning, I decided to see what channel Speed was on. 408. Not authorized. What? I called Comcast again. Turns out the first guy from yesterday didn't add the package, even though he verbally confirmed that he did. It was a quick fix, but geez, I shouldn't have to ask twice to buy additional service!

Comcast crappiness aside, I have to say, HD is AWESOME. Holy crap, it looks nice.

SoopahViv: excuse me while i go leap into the picture

09:00 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (5)

June 17, 2007 / Sunday

Noah's Love-Hate

Dear Noah's,

I love your whole wheat bagels toasted dark with honey almond schmear, but I hate your perpetual inability to toast and schmear bagels properly.

It doesn't seem that hard. Do you simply not train your employees?

Rarr,

Viv

01:14 PM | Food:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

June 12, 2007 / Tuesday

Work Printer Etiquette

It's poor form to print multiple copies of 30 slide, 1 page per slide PowerPoint presentations at staggered intervals and leave them on the printer. You're killing trees and pissing off coworkers printing more reasonable jobs in between.

Don't make me come bump you!

10:41 AM | PSA/NTS:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

May 24, 2007 / Thursday

Propaganda-rama

I've been exposed to a lot of cable network news at various airports both this week and last, and I am amazed by the spin they put on international news stories. It's as if they're conspiring to make us think a certain way.

It reminds me of this billboard.

02:02 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

May 21, 2007 / Monday

Is Anyone Listening?

Too often, I find myself in a "conversation" in which the person or persons involved aren't truly listening to what others have to say. They either listen just enough to rebut what they think the other person is saying, or don't listen at all and interrupt to continue elaborating on whatever they were already talking about.

Sometimes, I'd rather not converse at all. It's not much fun if the other parties aren't really interested in information and idea exchange.

As bothered as I am by this behavior, I'm sure I also do it from time to time. I'd rather I didn't, though, so if you ever find yourself in a conversation with me and you feel I'm not listening, please tell me. I'll thank you for it.

08:37 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (5)

May 08, 2007 / Tuesday

Be Quiet, It's Bedtime!

I know it's spring, but geez, it's 1:00 AM. Quit chirping, birds!

01:02 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (6)

May 04, 2007 / Friday

Stop Saying That!

The brain is not a muscle!

08:24 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

April 24, 2007 / Tuesday

Ever Heard Of Backward Compatibility?

Once every few months, I need to join a meeting on Raindance. Pretty much every time this has happened, I've been told I need to upgrade my client before I can join. I find this really, really annoying, because (1) I'm forced to spend time upgrading, which causes me to join my meeting late and (2) all I'm doing is viewing someone else's share, and I don't see why I need to install a new version for existing functionality.

Why should I even need to install a client?

11:31 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

April 16, 2007 / Monday

YouTube Hates Me

Or, rather, it hates my cameras. It screwed up the audio on videos from my old camera and screws up everything on videos from my new one. Bah!

12:09 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

April 05, 2007 / Thursday

Workplace Noise

Whistling, humming, cell phones ringing, loud conversations, gab gab gab gab gab everywhere.

I wonder if I can expense some noise cancelling headphones.

10:19 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (1)

April 03, 2007 / Tuesday

I Feel Whiny Today, Okay?

Dear Coworker,

It's bad enough that you whistle in the hallway, but it's even worse that you're off-key, off-tempo, and loudly so. Quit it, before I whack you with those stupid loaves of white bread that no one has bothered to touch.

Don't think I won't do it!

Viv a.k.a. Two Fists

02:34 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

This Is Building Discrimination!

Dear Person Who Stocks the Kitchen in My Building,

Why did you give us three loaves of white bread today? Why isn't there variety? No wheat, no nine-grain, no cinnamon raisin bagels? And why don't we ever have strawberry jam? Orange marmalade is blech. So are those yucky herb rolls we get every day. Oh, and we're out of honey. Actually, we've been out of honey for half a year now. How come the other building gets popcorn and ramen and we don't? And don't even get me started about the ice cream...

You just don't care about us, do you?

Fine then, I don't care about you, either.

Viv

10:28 AM | Food:Rant/Whine| Comments (5)

March 22, 2007 / Thursday

Lack Of Scheduling Logic

So there's this presentation I need to attend. A lot of other people need to attend it too. To increase the likelihood that everyone who needs to attend gets a chance to do so, this presentation is being given three times. The problem is, all three meetings are scheduled for the same day, which assumes that all attendees are available that day. That day also happens to be a Friday.

I guess they didn't really mean it when they said everyone needed to attend.

11:35 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

March 21, 2007 / Wednesday

Worst Muzak Evarrr

FreeConferenceCall.com, could you please add some variety to your sucky single song selection?

08:00 PM | Rant/Whine:School| Comments (0)

March 14, 2007 / Wednesday

Productivity Kill

I hate when my laptop reboots itself overnight. Update schmupdate, how am I supposed to remember what I was working on? Oh look, Eclipse doesn't remember the latest set of open files when it's forced to close. Now I really don't know what to do. :-|

Maybe it means I shouldn't do real work after I get home in the evening. There, ya happy now, company? Look what your update policies have done!

10:53 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

March 13, 2007 / Tuesday

Wanted: Kickass Clipless Kicking Skillz

SoopahViv: some lady did that stupid accelerate from the stoplight to take a really slow driveway right thing to me on saturday
SoopahViv: i wanted to kick her car but i was clipped in
SoopahViv: phooey
aaron: just smack it
SoopahViv: just out of hand reach
SoopahViv: i didn't time my reacceleration properly
SoopahViv: besides, kicking is more emphatic
aaron: and more damaging
SoopahViv: yes
SoopahViv: i will need to practice clipping out and kicking and clipping back in and taking off
SoopahViv: and maybe work a finger in there somewhere

What is it with drivers who think it's okay to cut off a bicyclist in the bike lane (keyword, LANE) with a dangerously timed, slow ass right turn into a parking lot? They know better than to do it to pedestrians (lawsuit!) and they know better than to do it to other drivers (lawsuit!); why do they think it's okay to do it to bicyclists?

I kick you! Except that I'd probably fall over attempting the unclip-kick-reclip thing.

06:29 PM | Rant/Whine:Road| Comments (4)

Doubly Sucky

People who park their motorcycles in outlined spaces wide enough to fit one and a half cars suck.

People who rant about where people park their motorcycles in lots that don't provide motorcycle spaces also suck.

I am teh uber sux today.

10:01 AM | Motorcycle:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

February 26, 2007 / Monday

An Envelope And A Stamp, Is That So Much To Ask?

What is it with businesses who send forms to complete and return, but don't include a postage paid return envelope?

To Aetna, who sent me a 5 page survey about my choice of physical therapist last year: You didn't even enclose an envelope. You included a number that I could call with questions, but it's not toll free. I am not going to spend money on an envelope, a stamp, a long distance call, or cell phone minutes on you. That should be covered by your business expenses, not my personal expenses.

To Davis & Davis, who sent me a modification of lease contract to sign and have my ex-roommate sign 2 months after his notification and subsequent departure from the apartment: Not only are you unbelievably way the hell off the fucking ball, you also did not enclose an envelope. You expect me to locate my ex-roommate and for one of us to produce an envelope plus postage?

Yes, I'm ranting about a couple of envelopes and stamps. No, it doesn't really have anything to do with envelopes and stamps. It has everything to do with people and companies doing things right. Perhaps that is too much to ask.

10:30 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

February 20, 2007 / Tuesday

How's This For Berkeley Spirit?

Dear Tree Hippies,

Get the hell off my campus so we can renovate the damned stadium already. Maybe we should just sic the football team on you. That'd be a lot more exciting than a bunch of people sitting in trees.

You know we don't like trees, right?

No love,

Viv

09:50 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

February 13, 2007 / Tuesday

Doesn't Anyone Start Work On Time Anymore?

It's 9:30, and time for me to make my phone calls before I haul my I don't need to get up as early as you but I'm still going to whine developer ass into work. I call Kaiser. Their receptionist isn't in yet. I call Davis and Davis, the management folks for my apartment. They're not in either. It's not a holiday, is it? When your website and answering machine both say you're available starting at 9, well... why the hell aren't you?

09:31 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (1)

December 29, 2006 / Friday

Quote of the Day

Our respect for human rights requires us to execute him, and there will be no review or delay in carrying out the sentence.

Way to be ironic, Prime Minister al-Maliki.

Regardless of Saddam's actions, guilt, or "presumed" innocence, the trial and everything leading up to his hanging was a farce.

Speaking of his actions, I can think of at least one other president who has ordered the detention of innocent people, the killing of those who oppose his regime, and military action resulting in the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent civilians.

When does that president go on trial?

09:35 PM | Quote:Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

November 07, 2006 / Tuesday

Here's A Gun. There's Your Foot.

Check out the user friendliness of Smith Barney's Benefit Access site. See that red blurb below the login form? Here's the text (for posterity):

Attention Corporate Plan Sponsors: Please be advised that the "Change Your User Name" button is reserved solely for individual Benefit Access (BA) users and not for Corporate Benefit Access (CBA) users. CBA users who attempt to perform a name change will lose web access. CBA users must contact their Smith Barney Stock Plan Services Client Manager to facilitate a name change. The "Change Your Password" functionality is available to all users.

First of all, if something is important enough to warrant a bold red warning, shouldn't that warning appear on the page ahead of the action it refers to? Secondly, how am I supposed to know what kind of user I am? Should I click the "Change Your User Name" button to find out? "Oh! I lost web access! I must be a CBA user."

Yes, of course I clicked the button. It doesn't do anything. Nice.

03:15 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

October 01, 2006 / Sunday

I Guess I Shouldn't Be Surprised

Last week, during a BofA teller visit (which cost me two bucks, grump!), I was informed that I had a new credit card on the way. New credit card? But I never accepted a new credit card. In fact, I closed a BofA credit card years ago because I found it completely useless. The teller replied that they automatically issue credit cards as a "courtesy to their good customers," and that I could simply not activate the card if I didn't want it.

That upset me quite a bit, but I knew it wasn't the teller's fault, so I didn't get on her case about it. I was unhappy that they'd put a card in the mail with my name on it, but figured I'd just not activate it when it arrived.

I logged into my bank account just now. The card still hasn't arrived, but it now shows up on my list of BofA accounts.

I'm pretty unhappy, but I'm going to call them and see what's going on. I have a feeling my conclusion will be the same as my initial reaction, though, which is...

Forget you, Bank of America. I'm closing my accounts and taking my business elsewhere.

Is it legal to open credit cards for people without their consent? Isn't it bad for my credit score to have too many lines of credit? Can I report them to someone for doing this? If so, to whom?

On top of all this, when I logged out of my account they directed me to a screen with yet another credit card offer. I'm pre-approved for their best card! Click here! Accept now!

It may soon be time to find a new bank. I need locational convenience, free checking, and good online banking services. Does anyone find their bank worthy of a recommendation?

04:14 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (3)

September 28, 2006 / Thursday

OMFG What Just Happened?

Since when does the escape key mean confirm?
Escape means cancel, goddammit!
I hate you, Perforce.

01:29 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

September 11, 2006 / Monday

Nancy Grace Is Annoying

The excerpt from the top result for this search makes me laugh.

Someone please make her go away.

10:57 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (3)

August 13, 2006 / Sunday

Damn You, PayPal!

You tricked me into paying with my bank account again!

I hate you! IhateyouIhateyouIhateyou!

*shakes fist*

10:11 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

June 12, 2006 / Monday

Tropical Storm Gonzales

I know there's a storm blowing, but every time I see a headline about Alberto threatening Florida, the first thought that comes to mind is, "Oh no, whose rights are being trampled now?"

11:16 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

May 15, 2006 / Monday

What Timing!

Domestic SkypeOut is now free!

Just in time for all of my newly purchased credits to sit in my account until 2007.

At least I didn't buy double.

10:43 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

May 03, 2006 / Wednesday

Internet Speed = 6 Days

I tried to buy more Skype credits just now. I went to the Skype site, selected an amount, chose to fund it through PayPal, and got tricked into clicking the "Pay" button before I managed to find the "More Funding Options" link, which, for future reference, can be found in the very center of the page in what looks to be 6-point squished font.

But at least I was done. Or so I thought. Why weren't my Skype minutes showing up?

I logged into PayPal. My Skype transactions were there, on the front page, with an "Uncleared" status, and an expected clearing date of May 9th.

May 9th?! It takes 6 days to clear a bank transaction?! What happened to "instant payment"?! How is 6 days "instant"?! And how is that "convenient"?! I NEED MY SKYPE MINUTES TODAY, GODDAMMIT!!

As I'm writing this, I have 15 SkypeOut minutes in my account and 70 minutes of an in-progress teleconference left. I could try to buy additional minutes with an alternate funding source, but that would leave me with far more Skype credit than I need.

I feel (1) inconvenienced and (2) lied to.

#%(*&(*@&$#(%&@!!!

06:27 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (6)

February 13, 2006 / Monday

Blah, I'm Sick

I have a stuffy nose and a cough. Yeah, I know, I'm being a baby.

But it kinda makes me feel better to waah.

Waah, I'm sick.

It's been 9 months since my last cold, so I guess my immune system was due for a workout.

10:57 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (1)

December 28, 2005 / Wednesday

Quit Being So Unpredictable

How am I supposed to plan Tahoe trips and motorcycle rides if the weather report changes every day?

09:54 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

December 23, 2005 / Friday

Nightly Shower Rarr

Mounting a smoke detector right outside the bathroom door is a dumb idea!

11:55 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (11)

November 17, 2005 / Thursday

How To Murder Someone, One Hour At A Time

I believe I heard this at a Rollins show years ago.

When someone makes you wait, that person is wasting your time. (S)he is, in a sense, taking time away from your life. Isn't that what murder is, taking time away from someone's life? So, when someone makes you wait, aren't they murdering you?

There's a part of me that gets really angry when someone makes me wait for no good reason. That part of me digs the murder analogy.

There's another part of me that thinks it's silly to get angry about having my time wasted, because anger produces toxins, which eat minutes off my life, and murders me even more.

11:46 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (5)

Phone Rage

SBC recorded voice program, DIIIE!

Also, I find it ironic that the telephone company's customer service system randomly (or perhaps not so randomly) disconnects the customer during automated labyrinth navigation.

On a related note, what's up with customer service representatives who hang up the minute you ask a question they can't answer? I'm reminded of this because SBC seems to have at least one rotten CSR, but I'm sure a lot of other companies have their share too. There should be an after-the-fact phone key you can press to report them if they do that.

11:42 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (1)

October 04, 2005 / Tuesday

Wait Staff Rejects

There was something seriously wrong with the wait staff at the Sahara this weekend...

Saturday Evening: Snacky Snack at the NASCAR Cafe

Kristina, Carolyn, and I were at a table at the NASCAR Cafe waiting for our drinks to arrive. Carolyn looked something up on her Sidekick. The waitress returned, drinks in hand, saw the Sidekick on the table, and told us to move it, adding, "I'm not responsible if I spill drinks on that."

Wow, what a way with words.

Even if she wasn't responsible, the restaurant would be, no?

Saturday Night: Banquet in the Golden Room

After our snack at the NASCAR Cafe, we headed over to the Femmoto banquet, where the wait staff consisted of one very frail woman who looked to be about 90 and one very large woman with a pronounced limp. I wondered whether they were there because they wanted to or because they had to. I hoped it was the former. Dinner was an appetizer buffet. (Yes, I know. What?) Unfortunately, after we waited in line from one side of the banquet room to the other, half the food was gone. I asked Fran the popcorn shrimp scooper whether there'd be more food coming out. She just looked at me and stared. I thought perhaps she didn't speak English, but later I heard her talking, and yup, she spoke English, all right. I guess she wasn't having a good night. Or maybe she just didn't like me. That's okay, I didn't like her, either, after the "talking to you is not part of my popcorn shrimp scooper job description" stare.

Sunday Morning: Breakfast at the $7.95 Prime Rib Dinner Place

At breakfast the next day, I ordered corned beef hash. Carolyn ordered bacon and eggs. The server came back with 2 orders of bacon and eggs. When I asked about my corned beef hash, she pulled out our order card, pointed out "2 bacon", and said, "No, you ordered bacon and eggs."

No, you wrote down the wrong thing and didn't verify, YOU CUSTOMER SERVICE FLUNKIE!

FLUNKIE!!!

My theory is, when someone gets fired from their job on the Strip, they move down to the next hotel/casino, and now all the flunkies are stuck at the Sahara end of the strip.

NO QAPLA' FOR YOU!

01:44 PM | Rant/Whine:Trips| Comments (4)

September 14, 2005 / Wednesday

Where, Oh Where, Has Customer Service Gone?

I wanted to buy a Bluetooth USB adapter and the new Gorillaz CD, so I stopped by the Best Buy in Colma on my way home from work. I found the CD with no problem. Locating a Bluetooth adapter should have been just as easy... except that their computer accessories seemed to have no organization whatsoever. Seriously, they had USB flash drives in 4 different clusters. That, and all their salespeople were busy... not helping people? It was weird. I got fed up with their differently labeled islands of identical products and headed for the checkout.

It's Best Buy policy to ask the customer at the checkout whether they were able to find everything they were looking for. I always answer yes, because I usually know what I want and where to find it. Today, I answered no.

What happened after I answered "no" was exactly what I thought would happen: They had no idea what to do. There were two of them, even, and neither of them had any clue how to handle "no". They didn't even know to ask what I was looking for. It was actually kind of amusing watching them looking at each other trying to figure out what to say to me.

Never mind. I'll go to Circuit City instead.

Oh, wait, the last time I made a purchase at Circuit City, the checkout clerk wasn't just clueless - she was outright rude.

I should just stick to online shopping.

09:23 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

September 02, 2005 / Friday

So Many Rarrs

Rarr 1: The Ultimate Fighter ending way past its scheduled TV slot this past Monday. I missed the entire 3rd round. Who won? I don't want to find out by reading about it, and I don't want to have to wait until a rerun to find out.

Rarr 2: A 3 minute long Amber Alert interrupting Over There this Monday. Post the details, but don't black out my show. That kind of stuff pisses me off. I know this sounds selfish and harsh and perhaps out of touch with reality, but having one of my favorite shows blacked out makes me want to say, "Screw you! I will purposely not listen to what you have to say!"

Wow, I'm being irrationally irritable over stupid stuff that doesn't matter. Ironically, I used to not watch TV because I felt it had no bearing on anything that mattered.

Maybe I just had too much time for stupid stuff that didn't matter.

Now the stupid stuff that doesn't matter matters, sort of.

Stupid TV people. DON'T FUCK WITH MY DOWNTIME!

09:49 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

August 23, 2005 / Tuesday

Christian Values

Assassinations, totally Christian. Just ask Pat Robertson.

I want to rant, but all I can do is sit here and wow.

Wow.

01:43 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (6)

August 08, 2005 / Monday

A Good BofA Experience, Ruined

Received my new Bank of America check card today. It's now "platinum" instead of "gold". I don't think that makes a difference in the check card world, but I definitely like the new color better.

Because I was so fond of the new color, I decided to activate the card right away. And so ended my new card glee...

It seems BofA (and perhaps other card-issuing financial institutions) has realized that you can't interrupt a voice recording to make it shut up, and if you're calling to activate a card, you are forced to stay on the line until you receive confirmation. Oh, but there's more to it. They give you a long schpiel, and end it with a misleading phrase like, "If you would like to protect your credit, press 1." If you don't press 1, they give you a condensed version of the same schpiel, and end it with a similarly misleading phrase. It isn't until after a long 2nd pause that you are told your card has been activated.

Brilliant! Now they can waste their customers' time without wasting any their own.

Great job pissing us off.

06:40 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (12)

June 29, 2005 / Wednesday

How's This For Reasonable?

With regard to the possibility of plea bargain in the Wendy's chili finger case, the prosecutor said, "I have nothing to offer them at this time. If they want to accept responsibility for their conduct, I’m fine with that."

... to which one of the defense attorneys replied, "I don’t think that’s reasonable."

What?? It's not reasonable to expect people to accept responsibility for what they do?

I think judges should have "dumbshit" buttons at the bench, so that when a dumbshit lawyer says something like the above the judge can push the button and drop the floor out from under said lawyer.

I also think they should install a crocodile pit under the dumbshit floorboard.

04:53 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (3)

June 17, 2005 / Friday

Cup-a-Rant

Cup-a-Soup

Rant 1: Cup a soup?!

I'm speechless. I want to rant, but I'm somehow unable to form anything coherent. I think the phrase "cup a soup" has actually managed to destroy grammar neurons in my brain.

Are they purposely butchering the English language, or do a bunch of dimwits run their marketing department?*

Rant 2: Nobody QAed their website on Firefox.

I'll admit, I don't always remember to QA my site on IE, but my site is not my job. I'm not being paid to make it perfect. Product website sloppiness, yuck.

*If someone writes to tell me that I may actually know the dimwit responsible for this perfect example of horrific grammar, I'm going to scream.

06:14 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (6)

June 15, 2005 / Wednesday

One Free Minute

This is kind of neat.

It appears to be something of a (temporary?) meatspace version of Anonyblog.

Still, I trust that even if one were to take the most precautionary of measures to remain anonymous, one could still, with the right words, earn a visit from the SS.

01:39 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (6)

June 04, 2005 / Saturday

Big Brother Is A Sith Lord

Am I missing something here? Elite Torrents gets shut down, and they slap a Homeland Security logo on the front page. What the hell does Homeland Security have to do with file sharing? Are terrorists communicating with each other via secret messages encoded in widely distributed movie files? Are our airliners in danger of being hijacked by brainwashed illegal download watchers? Are rogue copies of SWIII going to make our computers release anthrax spores into the air?

Speaking of SWIII, I read an editorial today that compared Homeland Security and the Bush administration to the Dark Side. I don't agree with everything it says, but I at least found the Dark Side comparison amusing.

When Senator Palpatine announces that the Republic should grant him emergency military powers, he justifies the transition to a politically repressive regime with references to "safety and security." Anyone who has ever watched a George W. Bush speech about sacrificing civil liberties for "security from terrorists"...

Let me rephrase myself. I *initially* found the Dark Side comparison amusing.

Then I thought about what our government has done in the name of "security from terrorists" these last 3½ years, and it wasn't so amusing anymore.

Then I wrote a list of all the things I found not-so-amusing-anymore, complete with some very colorful (sarcastically, not profanely, so) modifiers.

Then I read my list, and decided against publishing it, because:

1. Free Speech doesn't really exist, but Big Brother really does.
2. There are a lot of boneheads on the internet.

12:09 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (6)

May 30, 2005 / Monday

Untied Indeed

I've flown United Airlines almost exclusively all my life. This last trip to Boston, though, has made me reconsider my airline loyalties. 7 things wrong in 2 flights? Come on!

1. Headphone jack on flight to Boston. I had to shove the headphone plug into the jack as far as it could possibly go before I could get any sound, except that the plug was so loose that the plug wouldn't stay in, and the surrounding plastic on the armrest kept popping the plug back out. No movie for me.
2. Headphone jack on flight back to San Francisco. This jack wouldn't work unless I pushed the plug in 90% of the way and then pushed sideways on the plug. If I let go of the plug, I'd lose the sound. No movie for me again.
3. Armrest in the row ahead of me on flight to Boston. Armrest? What armrest? The protective padding on top of the structural pieces of the armrest was completely loose and flapping, and the passengers had to keep it raised the entire flight (including takeoff and landing) to keep it from being a hazard.
4. Water dripping on our heads during takeoff on flight to Boston. Harmless or not, I should not get wet from the plane.
5. The people in the row behind mine complaining about something wrong with their seats, to the point where they asked the flight attendant to relocate one of them so they wouldn't have to sit in the seat. I didn't find out what was wrong; the people were annoying so I didn't ask.
6. A flight attendant outright lying to a passenger when asked if the other meal option was still available, solely because he was too lazy to go fetch meals from the next cart.
7. That same flight attendant looking visibly annoyed when he had to move his cart up a couple rows to let someone back in their seat.

Worn out equipment, flight attendants with attitudes. I don't need that.

I hear JetBlue's pretty nice.

11:08 PM | Rant/Whine:Trips| Comments (6)

May 19, 2005 / Thursday

Who Set This System Up?

What good is having a doctor when:

• It takes 3 months to schedule a checkup.
• It takes 2+ weeks to schedule a semi-important appointment, and that's only if I agree to see any available doctor, because my doctor is completely booked for the next 2 months.
• It's impossible to see my doctor, or any other doctor, when I have a fairly important but not immediately life threatening issue (like when I have a death cough and I'm leaving town in 3 days).

That's screwed up.

04:42 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (3)

May 11, 2005 / Wednesday

On Reaching The End of the Internet

Maybe I should password protect my Rant/Whine posts.

10:44 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

May 10, 2005 / Tuesday

Who Wrote This Nonsensicalness?

When I try to PayPal someone with my credit card, I get the following message:

Before you change your funding source to your credit card, consider the benefits of paying with your bank account:

• You're still paying instantly and securely
• Paying with your bank account is instant and your payment will be completed immediately — just as easy as paying with cash
• PayPal keeps your bank account information safe and secure through military-grade encryption and 100% coverage of any unauthorized use

What? I couldn't identify a single "benefit" in that list. Which logical fallacy is this, anyway?

• How is "still" doing something the exact same way as you would with option 1 make option 2 a "benefit"?
• To me, my transaction goes through just as quickly regardless of whether I pay with my credit card or with my bank account, and, actually, it's easier than paying with cash. By the way, "paying with your bank account is instant" and "your payment will be completed immediately" mean, for all intents and purposes, EXACTLY THE SAME THING.
• Gee, that's great. I would hope that PayPal keeps my credit card information just as safe and secure as it does my bank account information.

Plus, if you reread the list, you'll notice that the superfluously wordy ;) points 2 and 3 repeat what point 1 said in 6 words.

[Rant removed as it appears I've reached the end of the internet.]

Hrmph!

11:22 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (8)

April 22, 2005 / Friday

Why Am I Not Surprised?

I want to know if this is true:

The State Department decided to stop publishing an annual report on international terrorism after the government's top terrorism center concluded that there were more terrorist attacks in 2004 than in any year since 1985, the first year the publication covered.

I'm not wondering about the statistics being accurate, nor am I wondering whether the Patterns of Global Terrorism report is really not being published this year. I'm wondering whether the reason for its not being published is to hide data from the people.

No one from the government would ever state that, even if it were the case. I wish it weren't, but I think it is.

I must be tired. I was going to rant about this earlier today, but decided to save it for when I got home, and now that I'm home I can't find a single one of the many angry words I had for it this afternoon.

Bah! Consider that an angry word.

11:12 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

April 19, 2005 / Tuesday

Timely, My Ass!

I got a letter in the mail from Ameritrade yesterday telling me that they'd lost a data tape with my account information on it. Fine, I thought, it was bound to happen to me sometime, Ameritrade or otherwise.

But today I read this article. As it turns out, they lost that tape in February. They notified me yesterday. Two months is not "timely fashion". Two days, maybe. Two weeks, even. Two months, unacceptable.

But would a different financial institution do any better?

"Hi, I'm calling to get a time estimate on how long it would take your institution to notify me in the event that a data tape containing my account information falls off a shipping truck."

Right.

03:19 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

April 18, 2005 / Monday

Open Letter To Canadians

Can you guys please stop being so darned nice? Just when I'd forgotten about wanting to move there to become a citizen, eh?

- - -

Seriously, everyone in Canada was super nice. I encountered my first unpleasant person of the weekend at the airport on the return leg of the trip, but then I realized it was the American customs guy. Not only was he not polite, he asked if I was there for a hockey tournament and said, "I don't even play hockey. Girls playing hockey?" That was quite a contrast to *everyone* we talked to in Canada being totally supportive and wishing us luck, eh?

I wanted to smack him. Fuck you, you 300 pound chauvinistic lardass. The reason you don't play hockey is 'cause you probably can't even walk up a flight of stairs without getting short of breath. What a great representative of the US you are. Not. Pfft!

12:52 AM | Rant/Whine:Trips| Comments (8)

April 01, 2005 / Friday

Steriods Schmeriods

Can someone please tell me why Congress is wasting so much time and money talking about steriods when there are so many important issues currently in need of more attention?

Notice, I didn't say *other* important issues. If pro athletes want to balloon their muscles and shrink their 'nads, let 'em!

On a related note, let's just legalize steriods. Drugs, too. If people want to shoot themselves in the foot, let 'em!

It's called natural selection.

Ramble ramble. Zzz...

12:44 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

March 30, 2005 / Wednesday

They Understand, But I Don't

Now this is disturbing...

Verdicts disturb me all the time. That's not why I'm writing.

This is why I'm writing:

"We're all mothers," the juror explained. "We understand boys."

So, in theory, if you murdered someone and you were lucky enough to have a jury of mothers of murderers who understood their murderous children, you'd get to walk away, no slap on the wrist or anything.

Can they declare a mistrail on that comment?

12:37 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

March 18, 2005 / Friday

Minute Maid Light

It's got, and I quote:

½ the calories
½ the sugar
½ the carbs

I feel like I'm repeating myself repeating myself repeating myself.

Looks like the Minute Maid marketing folks are running low on content.

11:51 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

March 17, 2005 / Thursday

I've Been Holding Back My Rant On This One...

Given the latest developments in the Terry Schiavo mess, let me just say for the record...

If it looks like I'm going to be a vegetable, either mentally or physically, don't hook me up to a respirator and/or stick a feeding tube in me. See that organ donor card I keep next to my license? Listen for the beeeeep and have organ transport ready!

There.

One of these days I'll get off my ass and put it in a more official and readily accessible form.

I don't want any lawyers, judges, or lawmakers deciding my fate, thank you very much.

01:23 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

March 09, 2005 / Wednesday

Schoolteacher Retirement Gig?

I called United Airlines Mileage Plus just now to see about getting miles back for the cancelled segment of the Aspen trip. A "Mrs. Turner" answered the phone. Mrs. Turner?! Am I in elementary school again or something? She had this really stern sounding voice, too. "No, ma'am, you cannot get miles back for this. (And what I say is THE LAW.)" She gave me some address to write to, without explanation of what exactly I was supposed to write and/or send. I asked if there was someone else I could talk to. I mean, if someone can receive and process whatever it is I'm supposed to send, that same someone can answer a phone call to clarify a few things for me. "No, ma'am, you cannot do this over the phone." You're right, Mrs. Turner, certainly not, with you on the other line.

Wait, didn't she just contradict herself by telling me they don't reimburse miles, and then giving me an address to write to? Was the address thrown out there just to distract me? In any case, her stern schoolteacher demeanor was not sitting well with me, so I thanked her for her "help" and hung up.

I'll call them again later. Let's hope for someone a little better suited for customer service.

That shouldn't be too difficult.

09:38 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

February 08, 2005 / Tuesday

I'm Sorry You Suck

So this sucky driver cut in front of me at the last moment before the 280 to 380 split. This happens all the time; no one really wants to change into the exit lane a full half mile before the exit and drive slowly while other cars cut in front of them.

I was somewhat miffed, but then after the curve I saw the driver trying to cut over into the right lane, in what was relatively light traffic for commute hours, and I realized the reason that car cut in front of mine so late was because the driver didn't know how to change lanes.

The car finally made it over, and as I drove by I saw the driver sitting all of six inches from her steering wheel, looking frazzled by the whole experience.

So then I felt better.

The end.

08:57 AM | Rant/Whine:Road Ramblings| Comments (0)

January 11, 2005 / Tuesday

Can YOU Guys Understand Me?

I love it when I ask a question and I receive an answer to a different question. I love it even more when that answer is followed by a solicitation for additional questions.

What, so I can get additional answers to other different questions?

Okay, I lied. I don't really love it.

01:18 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

January 08, 2005 / Saturday

Relaxing, My Ass!

I just saw one of those cheesy buy-our-CD-while-we-play-you-song-clips commercials on TV. What were they selling? The Most Relaxing Classical Album In The World... Ever!

That is The Most Bestest Album Title In The World... Ever... Not!

Plus, the clips they played made me kinda nervous.

11:04 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

January 03, 2005 / Monday

Forced Password Changes Suck

If I WANT to use the same damned password for months on end, just *@#$#$(*ing let me! If I go through the trouble to play your silly game and select a new password, and then try to change my password back to my old one, don't tell me that I can't reuse an old password, because it means that you're saving my old passwords, which REALLY pisses me off!

ADP iPay, you SUCK!

08:56 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

January 02, 2005 / Sunday

Evite Network Gripe

Evite's trying to get all Friendster on us. Fine. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is the fact that my Evite homepage now has this little area with random pictures of people in my Evite network. What I'm *really* not okay with is the fact that this little area is not removable.

Dear Evite: There are people in my Evite Network whose faces I simply DO NOT WANT TO LOOK AT. I don't necessarily want to remove them from my network, but half of the folks who show up on my Evite homepage belong in one of the following categories:

- I don't know who they are and I don't care.
- I know who they are but I'd rather not be reminded of their existence.
- I know who they are and I'm fully aware of their existence, but their pictures creep me out.

Perhaps you should consider making our homepages configurable. Kinda like My Yahoo!.

Hrmm, I should send that to them.

09:30 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

December 13, 2004 / Monday

Go Away, Lame People!

Oh please! Buncha prudes!

09:23 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

November 30, 2004 / Tuesday

Perhaps It's Time For A Monster Truck

After a long day, I returned home to 1 foot of bumper hanging over my driveway entrance. Fucker! Good thing it's trash night. When I rolled the trash bin out I made sure to rest its nasty side against said fucker's car.

Even when there are no open spaces for blocks around, I won't park my car if my bumper infringes on someone's driveway, regardless of how wide it is. It's inconsiderate, and just plain rude. So, in my neighborhood, where parking is plentiful a mere half block away, there is no reason to hang a bumper past the curb. Lazy ass.

10:33 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

November 28, 2004 / Sunday

Rant Rant Rant

Rant 1: Craaazy driver on 101 today. Weaving, speeding, cutting people off, taking my lane even though there was half a car space to squeeze into. Yes, your car is a piece of shit and I have to give you space. I wish I had a monster truck so I could turn you into a speed bump without scratching my paint. I swear, I think the driver was high.

Rant 2: *#@(*#$&) crack rice place closed a full hour early today. I hate them. I wish their rice (and ground beef) wasn't so damned good. Screw it, no more trips for crack rice. At least the sushi place nearby was good. I've never had so much spicy scallop in my life!

Rant 3: The Twirp has gotten better. Darnit. I take solace in the fact that he still can't skate backward. Not that I'm all that wonderful a backward skater, but I'm still 5 times better than he is. I bet he still falls over at the slightest nudge. *nudge*

09:58 PM | Rant/Whine:Road Ramblings| Comments (0)

November 20, 2004 / Saturday

Forget What I Said About Being Soft

My reaction to the Artest/Jackson vs. the Piston fans brawl tell me that my views about culpability and punishment are, for the most part, still intact. The fans started it. I say, take the guy who threw the first drink and the guy who got socked in the face (twice, ha!) for coming out at Artest, put them each in a room, and let A/J have 5 minutes with them.

They'll likely sue, but I hope they lose, and wind up in the hole trying to cover court and lawyer fees.

As for everyone else caught on film throwing things at the Pacers, fine them. A lot.

For the record, I'm not speaking as a Pacers fan. My years as a Knicks fan in the mid '90s have relegated the Pacers to the bottom of my NBA list. But this has nothing to do with basketball. It has to do with idiots who need a swift kick in the head.

08:33 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (4)

November 17, 2004 / Wednesday

Jesus Fucking Religious Right!

Man, I'm a total potty mouth today.

Heard a disturbing news blurb on Morning Edition today. I want to rant about it, but it's so obviously ridiculous that I don't know what to say.

Here's a news article with a little more detail.

So, instead of having a day where kids get to dress up as the opposite sex and learn to see things from the other point of view, they're now going to have a day where kids get to dress up as soldiers and learn to... what, shoot people?

11:20 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (8)

November 03, 2004 / Wednesday

Free?

How can we call ourselves free when we can't joke about the president without the SS knocking at our door?

How can we call ourselves free when when we so blatantly limit the rights of our fellow citizens?

How can we call ourselves free when the information presented to us is so limited and slanted that we have to turn to news sources overseas to get a true view of what's going on in the world?

How can we call ourselves free when our government has held people without charge for 2+ years now at Guantanamo Bay?

I shudder to think what "free" will be in 2008.

12:27 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

November 02, 2004 / Tuesday

And Now, For Our Annual Round Of...

Sprint PCS SUCKS!

Really, I seem to go through this every year or so. Tonight's issue: a firmware upgrade for my phone. I have network connectivity issues, and the solution is a firmware upgrade. Sprint being Sprint, this is not something I can download and do myself. I have to bring it into one of their stores and have a technician do it. The problem? The "technicians" in a lot of the stores look at the phone and say, "We don't do software upgrades on Palm phones." Yes you do, you lazy brainless fuckers. If I could do it myself, do you think I'd be standing here wasting my time talking to you?

*#$(*&(*@&$!!!

06:39 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

October 29, 2004 / Friday

Which Building Block Do You Mean?

I just read the following sentence in a USA Today article:

Researchers hope to turn human stem cells, early embryonic cells that are life's building blocks, into replacement tissue to treat spinal cord injuries and diseases such as Alzheimer's, Parkinson's and juvenile diabetes.

Can the media stop using the phrase "life's building blocks", pleeease? Or, if they're going to use it, at least be consistent about what they're referring to. DNA, amino acids, proteins, embryonic cells... how many different things do they intend to label "building blocks"? There are huge conceptual and size differences between any two of those things listed above. And what about all those little "primordial soup" bits from before the days of DNA? Aren't those "building blocks" too?

I don't know which is worse, inconsistent usage of "building blocks" or "value-adding" business buzzwords.

Stop it, people! Stop it!

01:01 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

October 27, 2004 / Wednesday

Of All The Things To Waste My Tax Dollars On...

We're allocating federal resources to tracking down harmless bloggers? I mean, please, this does not warrant a visit from the Secret Service.

Creative, yes. Funny, yes. Left-leaning, yes. Anti-Bush, yes. But a threat to the president's life? What the hell are they smoking in Washington?

07:01 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (3)

October 22, 2004 / Friday

Stupid Root Mucking ERwin

Applications that put things into my root directory without telling me and without giving me a choice... SUCK!

ERwin, you suck! In more ways than one.

Hooray for regedit. Boo on Computer Associates.

10:44 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (2)

October 14, 2004 / Thursday

Suspension Swap (Part 8 of ?): Done, But...
How Many Times Can Tire Rack Screw Up One Order?

I'm done installing my suspension. Can I test it? Nooo. Why? Because one of the centering rings on my tires isn't the right one for my car. I kept trying to get the thing to seat around the hub and it wouldn't. I took a closer look at the two tires and realized the centering rings were different. First they dent my rims, now they send me the wrong ring insert. Damn you, Tire Rack! And you're not even around to answer the phone right now. *#$&(*&@#!!!

11:30 PM | Grease Monkey:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

September 15, 2004 / Wednesday

Parking Lot Management

What kind of idiots expect to be able to clear out entire chunks of parking lot via e-mail at a moment's notice? Twice in two days, no less?

Planning ahead? What's that?

Reminds me of meeting scheduling at my old company.

04:17 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

June 23, 2004 / Wednesday

Stupidest Detour In The Land

The 3rd Avenue 101 North onramp is closed. I found that out on my way back to work from the gym this afternoon. There were signs with arrows and the word "Detour". I had considered taking my own detour onto 101 North, but I figured the folks working on this knew best, so I decided to follow them. I drove and I drove, and then I drove some more. Where the hell were those signs taking me? Certainly not north. I always thought detours were designed to get you closer to where you were going and then merge you back onto the road you had originally intended to take. Not this one! It looped me into Foster City! How lame!

Here, let me diagram the lameness for you. Detour in blue, my intended route in yellow:

08:53 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

May 01, 2004 / Saturday

What, Did The DMV Raffle Off Licenses Or Something?

To the lady in the Corolla stopped in front of me earlier today: Freeway onramps are for acceleration so you can get up to the speed of traffic and merge smoothly into it. You are not supposed drive up to the very edge of speedy traffic and stop while you wait for a gap to open up. Yes, that was you I was honking at, and I don't use my horn but once a year, so in case you're wondering, that means I think you are more terrible than most terrible drivers out there.

Still, you're less lame than the lazyass Berkeley meter person.

05:55 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

March 30, 2004 / Tuesday

Yet Another Parking Lot Rant

Why can't people park between the lines? I like to park toward the outer edge of end spots. Today, I came out to my car at lunch to find that someone had parked their car on top of the line next to my spot. You poopiehead, why do you do that? I'm making space for your door, not for your car! If you take up that space with your car then you'll swing your door into my car! Keep your car between the lines, dammit!

When I got back from lunch, I parked my car out and away from all the other cars. I bet I'll come out at the end of the day* and find a Passat parked next to me.

* I know I said I wouldn't ever use that phrase, but this is legit! Ain't no cliché here!

02:49 PM | Neurosis:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

March 28, 2004 / Sunday

Vroom!

I was suffering from motorcycle withdrawal, so I took my car on a little twisty road detour on my way to hockey today. I am sooo glad I put the rims back on! Hellooo happy handling!

Good for my car that I can go fast on twisties with it. Bad for me that I can drive faster than I can ride on those same roads. It is, however, a minor consolation that I outdrove the guy on the motorcycle behind me.

Can we make a rule that people who drive the posted speed limit on twisty roads should not be allowed to drive them on weekends? One lame-O stationwagon was all it took to ruin what would have been the beeeautiful stretch of Woodside between Alice's and 280.

More car-related babble: A new AutoZone just opened in Fremont. It's nice! It's about 10 times nicer than the ghetto Kragen across the street from it.

Strange that I know auto parts shops in Fremont. It's not even my hood!

And a car-related question-rant to the guy in the Passat this afternoon: If the parking lot is 5% full, and I park more than halfway out from where all the cars are concentrated, why the hell must you park your car in the space next to mine?! Can't you tell I'm trying to keep my car away from all the other cars in the lot?! What are you, some kind of parking lot sadist?!

10:00 PM | Neurosis:Rant/Whine:Vroom!| Comments (0)

January 28, 2004 / Wednesday

The Cheese Kicked Me!

There was a slice of spicy cheese hiding in my cheese sandwich today. What numbskull sandwich maker put that in there?! The usual non-spicy cheeses will do, sir (or ma'am, perhaps). I am in no mood for sandwich surprises today!

01:32 PM | Food:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

January 05, 2004 / Monday

Damn You, Winamp!

Stupid Winamp, why do you keep crashing on me? You don't like mp3s, you don't like streaming audio, you don't even like to start up param-free. I'm banishing you to the Boston bin, and installing iTunes.

07:09 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

December 11, 2003 / Thursday

Damn This Old Technology!

My several year old mp3 player is about to go flying out the window. The software it comes with doesn't work for XP, and when I try to load music via WMP it hangs, every single freakin' time. Yes, I really want this song! Please load it! Don't just sit there and tell me that an error occurred. I don't want to spend 2 hours updating 8 songs. Rarr!

11:34 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

December 03, 2003 / Wednesday

Great Fucking Job, RIAA

Among the RIAA's recent targets is retiree Ernest Brenot, 79, of Ridgefield, Wash., who wrote in a handwritten note to a federal judge that he does not own a computer nor can he operate one.

Brenot was accused of illegally offering for download 774 songs by artists including Vanilla Ice, U2, Creed, Linkin Park and Guns N' Roses.

Brenot's wife, Dorothy, said she and her husband were stunned by the claims, offended at the suggestion they listened to such music.

Buncha poopieheads, picking on old people.

06:52 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

November 05, 2003 / Wednesday

MP3 Player Rarr

I've had it with my mp3 player! I can't even load songs onto it without having to reboot the stupid thing 15 times 'cause of errors. No drag and drop, terrible battery life, post-error limbo states, only 64 MB of memory. The only thing it's got going for it is the belt clip and headphones, but I never use them anymore because I can't get new songs to load. Rarr.

09:51 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

October 07, 2003 / Tuesday

Stupid Mailman

So the mailman just came in, nuked his lunch, made the place smell like Chinese food, ate in our kitchen, and washed his dishes in our sink.

That's not very cool.

01:35 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

September 24, 2003 / Wednesday

"Compact" Truck Fucker

You know what really pisses me off? When I park way over to the side in an end space and then some fucker comes by and parks over the line and winds up in my space. It's my fucking space! I'm trying to get away from you freakin' idiots! Learn to fucking park! And goddammit, your F250 does not belong in the "Compact" space next to my car. When I can barely get into my car because you're fucking 10 inches from my door, it means you're too fucking close. Do you know how hard it was for me to drive away without letting the air out of your tires or scratching the hell out of your brand spanking new not even license plated "Compact" truck? I hope you @#$&*%@*(&$!

Insert terrible unbloggable fate above.

08:57 PM | Neurosis:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

September 22, 2003 / Monday

Mini-Rarr

You know what makes me mini-rarr? When I order a latte (or coffee or cappucino or any hot beverage that comes in a paper cup with a sipping lid) and they put the lid on such that the part I sip from is right over the little crease in the paper cup. Are they trying to drip hot latte all over me? How much extra effort is it for them to look and turn their hand a few degrees before putting the lid on? Rarr. Um, I mean, mini-rarr.

10:43 AM | Drinks:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

August 15, 2003 / Friday

Poopiehead Drivers 1

The lady who slowed waaay down in my lane just before the intersection and blocked my path even though the light was green and stayed there as the light turned yellow and then red because she was busy yapping on the cell phone and realized too late that she was about to blow her right turn and well screw whomever was behind her because she needed to turn right and even when she had come to a stop and cars were gathering didn't signal that she wanted to get over into the right lane until a good 20 seconds after the red light and whose rear view mirror was turned not toward traffic behind her but toward herself because she was probably doing her makeup just prior to getting on the phone and if it weren't for the fact that the driver in the right lane was nice and let her go when the light turned green again I would have honked my horn a LOT and thrown a little fit in my car and cursed her out at the top of my lungs and probably thrown a few emphatic middle fingers at her too, not that she would have noticed because she was very obviously oblivious to everything except for her right turn and her cell phone.

Poopiehead Drivers 2

The old fart who needed to make a left hand turn that required crossing over my lane and even though he didn't have much time to do it he did it anyway and when I held my line and my speed because I thought he was a dick for trying to turn in front of me even though there was no traffic behind me he gave me a stare as if it were his right to turn left and inconvience me, who was going straight and very obviously had the right of way.

10:30 PM | Rant/Whine:Road Ramblings| Comments (0)

July 16, 2003 / Wednesday

Egg! Dah!

My car got egged last night. Some goddamned piece of shit punk threw an egg at my car. At least they had bad aim, since it hit low on the body close to the rear right wheel. Any higher and it would have damaged the paint in a visible location. As it is, the paint's screwed up but on the bumpy part toward the bottom that no one looks at. Still, that pisses me off. If I ever see anyone even go near my car with an egg I will break their fucking neck. No, I will beat the shit out of them first and then break their neck. Stupid fuckheads. I hope it rains tow trucks on them.

11:04 AM | GTI:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

July 10, 2003 / Thursday

Fridge Surprises

I hate when I'm digging through the fridge at work and I come across something that looks good and I think "Ooh!" and then I realize that it's mine and I think "Ooooh!" and then I take it out and look at the date on it and see that it was something I bought and didn't eat and put in the fridge a week earlier and now I can't eat it because I don't want to get food poisoning and die.

03:53 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

April 09, 2003 / Wednesday

Onion Bagel Rant

I really really hate when the wheat bagels at work are put into the same bag as the onion bagels because then I'll go and make myself the perfect honey peanut buttery toasted wheat bagel and I'll be sitting in my cube eating it, thinking, "mmm... peeeanut butterrr", all happy about the gobs of honey peanut butter drippings I get to dip my bagel in, and then I'll unknowingly eat a toasted onion bit and all of a sudden "mmm... peeeanut butterrr" becomes "mmm... peeeanut BLECH!"

Okay, I don't really really hate when that happens, but it's standard gigantic run-on sentence rant format. Gotta keep the blog consistent, ya know?

09:57 AM | Peanut Butter:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

March 25, 2003 / Tuesday

How Did This Guy Get To Be President?

Every time I hear Little Bush speak I'm amazed at how terrible he is at it. Has anyone else noticed that he's just spewing meaningless phrases half the time? And when they're not meaningless, they're often false. False, as in fictious, which leads me to my quote of the day...

Quote of the Day

We live in fictitious times. We live in a time where we have fictitious election results that elect fictitious presidents. We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons, whether it's the fiction of duct tape or the fiction of orange alerts. We are against this war, Mr. Bush. Shame on you, Mr. Bush. Shame on you.

Thank you, Mr. Moore. Thank you.

Oh, look at that. He answered the title question.

Military Operation Name Propaganda Fiction

Who names our military operations? I swear, some of those names are such propaganda it makes my stomach turn. Must be a damned important job, though. Come up with two words that the general public will hear and believe and rally behind. Never mind that the name is a contortion of the truth. What am I talking about? Let's go through some of the more recent ones, shall we?

Operation Liberty Shield - Maybe I'm wrong, but the last time I checked we weren't in danger of having our democratic government overthrown by any dictator or tyrant or rogue internal military force. Our liberty is in danger? How? The biggest threat to our liberty, in my opinion, is Attorney General John Asscroft's desire to lock this country down under his ultra-conservative Christian beliefs.

Operation Iraqi Freedom - I thought we were going into Iraq because Little Bush was upset that Saddam wanted to kill his daddy? I guess Operation Revenge For Daddy wouldn't garner much public support. Okay, well, let's come up with some other reason. WMD! WMD! Unfortunately we can't seem to find any of the weapons of mass destruction that we claim are there. Well gosh, what excuse can we come up with? Hey, I know! Let's blow up Saddam and claim it's so his people can have Freedom. I mean, people hate us because they're just jealous that we have Freedom and they don't, right? Well, let's give it to them! We'll bomb the crap out of the land and hand it back to the people. Free! Free to do whatever they want with it! That is, of course, as long as it fits neatly with our oil drilling, um, I mean, reconstruction plans.

Operation Valiant Strike - Guess what? We're blowing up mountains in Afghanistan again. Planes and bombs and more planes and more bombs. Oh yeah, that's valiant, all right. Really gutsy, dropping bombs from the sky. I wonder what adjective they'll come up with when they actually try to approach with ground forces. Operation SuperDuperValiant Strike?

Disclaimer

Yes, I think our president is an idiot.
Yes, I think our attorney general is a threat to our freedom.
Yes, I think our government is spewing propaganda at us.
Yes, I think this war is unjustified.

But no, don't think for a second that I don't support our troops.

Just wanted to make that clear.

08:33 AM | Quote:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

December 29, 2002 / Sunday

Skeptical Anti-Foreign Policy Rant of the Day

The United States plans to secure Iraqi oilfields if it invades and is looking into the possibility of ramping up oil production beyond the U.N. oil-for-food program to pay for post-war reconstruction lower the price of oil in the U.S., Bush administration officials said on Sunday.

Dude. Rarr. I can't even begin to rant about this, but you know what? I don't need to. Even though the above is only a fraction of what I have to say, it should be plenty.

11:22 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

December 03, 2002 / Tuesday

Shut Up, Like You Can Even Fucking Drive

When people who can't drive worth shit call and tell me how I should and shouldn't be driving my car, it makes me want to run away as fast as I possibly can and scream at the top of my lungs... rarr.

When other people who have never ridden with me (and, by the way, also can't drive worth shit) say that instead of the car I have now I should have bought one that's dull and big and slow because it's safer "given my track record," it makes me want to run at them as fast as I possibly can and scream at the top of my lungs... stuff.

What's with people who can't drive and their unsolicited shitty opinions?

03:49 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

October 01, 2002 / Tuesday

Rant (If You Don't Like Reading Them Then Fuck Off)

You know how sometimes you know something but you just can't get yourself to feel the same way?

For example, I just came back from a walk. It's a beautiful day out. I should be enjoying the weather. Blue skies! But dammit, fuck the weather, weather leave me alone.

For example, I know it's not very nice to wish death upon someone, especially someone you don't know who's never done anything to you. And yet I was walking around wishing death upon complete strangers. All because they have something I don't. I hope they all fucking die. I hope they all fucking die on that something I don't have. Then I won't have to look at them. Fuck them. I don't care.

What's up with that? How can one part of my brain be so rational and another so not? And what's up with wanting everyone to fucking die? How can I be so irrationally evil?

You know what I understand better now? Why the poor hate the rich. 'Cause they have what you don't, and you can't stand that.

I know I'm not poor. I know I'm not even close. I know I can have what I want. But goddammit, it's not as easy as just getting it. Think resource allocation. I'm not the fucking IMF. I can't just go and allocate all over the fucking place. Number one on my allocation list is not a glorified toy, no matter how much I want it. Number one on my list is something to fall back on, in the event that I fall. I am my own backup. I sleep better at night knowing that I'm being responsible about that.

I spend more time than you all would know responsibly fighting off my irresponsible urges. Sometimes I manage to sneak in a little responsible irresponsibility. But for where I am in life, to be responsibly irresponsible about having everything I want, I'd have to move back to Boston. Move back to Boston and play out of the 9x7 box I grew up in.

02:02 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

September 17, 2002 / Tuesday

Public Service Announcement

If you say I said something and I say I didn't then don't fucking say that I did because if I say I didn't then I really fucking didn't because it's probably something that I know for a fact I couldn't possibly have said because what you say I said is fucking false. So fucking quit it, before I kick your fucking ass. Unless of course you're related to me, in which case you're oblivious to all of this because I'm not supposed to even think about kicking your ass and so I just say, "Well if you say I said it then I guess I did," and leave it at that because I don't want to fucking deal with you. Godfuckingdammit.

03:14 PM | PSA/NTS:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

September 13, 2002 / Friday

More fucking lameness. I swear,

More fucking lameness. I swear, Florida is the worst fucking state in the Union. Can we just cut them off and float them away to Cuba or something? Lookie here, paranoid Floridian retards:

"If this was a hoax, they will be charged."

You can't charge someone for your hundreds of thousands of dollars spent just because they were making a joke amongst a group of friends and someone didn't think it was funny. If anything the bozo sheriff who said that should pay up for overreacting.

"For anyone to sit around and joke over a cup of coffee about a couple of thousand people being killed � they should be prosecuted just for that."

You also can't prosecute someone for making a joke amongst a group of friends just because you don't think it's funny. Dumbass. And who the hell are you? You're some paranoid lady's fucking neighbor. What kind of newspaper would find you important enough to interview? Oh, wait, I know, a stupid retarded Flordian one.

Maybe I'm just in a bad bug fixing mood right now, but that really does not sit well with me. I'm going to go sit in a coffee shop in Florida and joke to myself about 9-11 for hours and laugh maniacally 'cause you know why? I'm constitutionally entitled to joke to myself about whatever the fuck I want. Even if I don't think it's funny.

05:38 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

September 09, 2002 / Monday

Feed Me, Dammit!

The sales and marketing folks have their business lunches and dinners.
The QA folks have their "oh we're a touchy feely happy group" lunches.
The developers get jack shit.
I'm in the wrong fucking group.
Maybe it's time to bitch up.
But then that will just start a whole torrent of bitching.
So never mind.

Laterally, things are good. I got a slice of Zachary's pizza from Nadsy and a stack of Diddy Riese cookies from Teddio. Woop!

12:56 PM | Food:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

June 18, 2002 / Tuesday

Word of the Day

hypocrite

Definition: one who puts on a false appearance of virtue

Example: The U.S. government, from the president to the CIA to the military and any other agencies who have made official statements regarding their handling of detainees in the aftermath of 9/11.

An example of why I chose the above example: Abu Zubaydah, say CIA and other U.S. government sources, is not being tortured, but a variety of methods are being used to encourage him to talk. Typical military interrogation tactics would include depriving him of sleep, changing the temperature of his cell and "modulating caloric intakes"�spookspeak for withholding food and then providing it as a reward. Reference here.

Rant: Not being tortured? Sleep deprivation is not torture? Starving him is not torture? Are they claiming it's not torture because it doesn't leave any marks on his body? Sure, other governments do it and much worse, but at least they don't turn around and proclaim to the world that they are just and goodly and do not mistreat their prisoners. Why can't they say it? They're torturing their prisoners. At least then they'd be telling the truth.

How about another example of hypocrisy? Look at Guantanamo Bay. How long have those people been held there? Have each and every one of them been charged with a crime? No. But the government argues that it's legal. Fuck legality. They're bending the law and finding loophole excuses and they know it. The U.S. government, who tries to tell all the other governments out important it is to give prisoners a fair legal process, doesn't do it themselves. Hell, forget the first example. Compared to this, the whole torture thing is just a little white lie. This one, this second one, is hyprocrisy. The U.S., who prides itself on being the fucking epitomy of a fair government and legal system, is the fucking epitomy of hypocrisy.

Is the world laughing at us on this one too? I'd be surprised if they weren't at least snickering.

This post is not about human rights. The little idealistic me gave up on the whole human rights thing long ago. I'm not ranting here because I think that what they're doing is unreasonable. Yes, they need to protect the country somehow, and sometimes they'll fuck up and step on innocent people. But if they're going to be unjust, they should just say it. No more excuses. Excuses are for those who can't own up to their actions. I would hope that our government would at least try to own up.

12:07 PM | Rant/Whine:Word| Comments (2)

March 15, 2002 / Friday

Where'd All That Extra Fuse Go?

This morning I had a little in-car fit 'cause the stupid guy in front of me was blocking the FasTrak lane. I guess smiley bouncy Viv has worn off.

Damned fucker. Get the hell out of my way!

12:14 PM | Rant/Whine:Road Ramblings| Comments (0)

March 13, 2002 / Wednesday

Time For A One Line Fucking Die Rant

All the incompetent people at Lifeguard should fucking die.

No, I don't want to waste time on the details.

Wow, that felt good. It's been far too long since I've wished fucking death on anyone. Almost a whole half year. 5 months and 29 days, to be exact.

09:41 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

February 06, 2002 / Wednesday

Have Some Brownies And Get The Hell Out Of My Office!

Okay, so now in addition to our mailman coming in and eating our food, the workmen outside are doing it too. This guy just walked in, took a bagel, took the butter out of the fridge, put some on his bagel, put the butter back, and walked out. What the hell? I think it's time we left them something special on the kitchen counter.

01:15 PM | Food:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

January 25, 2002 / Friday

If We Feed Him He'll Spare Us, Right?

The mailman at work keeps coming into our kitchen and eating our snacks. I want to tell him to stop but he looks kind of frazzled and beady eyed and I'm afraid he'll come back and gun us down or something. Dammit, stop eating our food! Those are MY cookies, ya hear? No, of course you don't hear, because, yes, I'll admit it, I'm a coward when it comes to dealing with crazy looking postal workers.

01:52 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

January 04, 2002 / Friday

Don't Tell Me How To Fucking Drive

My dad just called me. He's telling me I drive too crazy. I think my mom's getting to him. She called me last week to tell me the same thing. Something about how I should slow down. And something about something else, too, but blogger was down when it happened so it's gone unrecorded and forgotten.

But this driving thing really gets to me. None of them have a right to tell me to slow down. My dad used to drive just as fast as I do. Oh hell, faster, probably. And my mom? She rationalizes running red lights and doesn't know how to use her mirrors. Any my aunt? She doesn't drive well enough to be sitting there on the phone with my mom talking about me either.

So just what am I trying to say here?

Don't tell me how to fucking drive if:
- You don't follow your own advice.
- You don't know how to fucking drive.

- - -

On a funnier note, my dad told me he goes on hourlong walks at the supermarket after work to get his exercise. Apparently it's too cold in Boston to walk outside.

06:35 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

I Hope You Flip

To the dickhead on the freeway in the white delivery truck: One of these days you're gonna flip that thing, and when you do I hope to see it so I can laugh at your sorry ass. Then I'll come over and beat on your head with my hockey stick.

10:58 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

August 26, 2001 / Sunday

Part 1: Virus Rant

Humans are so lame. We breathe in these microscopic packages of protein and RNA and all of a sudden our cells start churning out a gazillion duplicates of these things. And then our throat hurts and we sneeze and cough and blow our nose and feel rotten. All because of what? Protein and RNA that isn't even alive! Viruses can't replicate themselves! We do all the replication! They come in and dupe our stupid ass cells into replicating them and the slightly smarter immune cells have to come in and kill the stupid ones. A whole war is waged in our body because our stupid cells can't just farking ignore the deceptive little protein coat. Lame! Laaaaame!

+ + +

Part 2: Virus Question

If bacteria and viruses can develop resistance to drugs, why can't people develop resistance to bacteria and viruses?

My guess is some people did along the way but because they were butt ugly they never got to reproduce and pass their resistance genes on.

The lesson here? If you meet someone who is butt ugly but never gets sick, mate with them for the good of the species.

11:37 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

August 22, 2001 / Wednesday

Hotel Vending Machine Gripe

+3 and I'm hungreey!

Whoa, I just typed "blacc" instead of "class". My fingers are farked.

I will gripe, not rant, because ranting reminds me too much of the sales critter I'm afraid of. Not that he rants. But I keep expecting him to!

Okay, so there are three connected Marriott hotels where I'm staying: a Marriott, a Courtyard Marriott, and a Fairfield Inn.

There is, in this massive three-hotel complex, one vending machine.

This vending machine contains food sold at 150% of the going rate.

This vending machine is half empty. No savory snacks. Just candy.

This vending machine does not accept coins. It's broken.

This vending machine does not give change. It's out.

So I spent 10 minutes hungrily wandering the three-hotel complex looking for other vending machines only to wind up at the one I began with and had to settle for peanut M&M's even though I wanted Honey BBQ Fritos and ended up paying a full $1.00 for them even though they were only supposed to cost 85 cents.

"Only" 85 cents. They were 55 cents at the Courtyard in Raleigh.

Oh, and my M&M's were crushed and melted.

Yes, I'm still hungry. Dammit.

09:00 PM | Rant/Whine:Trips| Comments (0)

August 21, 2001 / Tuesday

I Make Nothing, You Happy Now?

+3 again, yo

And while I'm ranting...

Note to relatives who don't read my blog: Stop asking me how much I make and stop telling me I don't make enough even though you don't know how much I make. Dogfarkingdarnit!

08:39 AM | Family:Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

August 14, 2001 / Tuesday

More People Who Should Fucking Die
- or -

Road Rage Story of the Day

People who clog up the FasTrak lane at toll plazas should fucking die!

Like today, there was NO traffic in that lane except for this one guy who was going 5 MPH even though you can drive through at 35 MPH and still get picked up by the sensors. So I tailgated him. And then after the tolls he was still going 5 MPH. Stoopid marthafocker. So then I went to his left and blew past, making sure to glare at him with my "What the fuck are you doing, you farking idiot?" look as I went by. I guess that pissed him off. I saw him in my rear view speeding up and trying to get past all the cars to catch up with me. Unfortunately he was trying to do that in the middle of the 15 to 5 lane merge zone. Weave weave stop stop.

Ha ha! Suckah!

03:58 PM | Blank Of The Day:Rant/Whine:Road Ramblings| Comments (0)

August 04, 2001 / Saturday

Don't Fucking Melt The Ice Cream!

People at the supermarket who open the door of the ice cream case to stand there and browse through the flavors for five minutes should fucking die.

Don't they know that they're wasting energy and raising the temperature so that the ice cream starts to melt? Soft ice cream! The horror! I like my ice cream nice and frozen and hard. I get anxious when I know it's melting. Dammit stoopid people. Die! Go suck on a salted fish and fucking die!

I hope they fall into a vat of melted ice cream and drown.

12:21 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

August 01, 2001 / Wednesday

Stupid People in Washington #1

+2 'cause I'm in Chicago

"This house should not be giving the green light to mad scientists to tinker with the gift of life. Cloning is an insult to humanity. It is science gone crazy."

What's that? Jesus Christ Watts from Oklahoma thinks cloning is a mad scientists's crazy insult to the "gift" of life? A gift from whom? Jesus Farking Christ? Whatever happened to separation of church and state? Cloning is an insult? Insult my ass! I'm gonna go back to school. I'm going to be one of those goddamned mad scientists. I'm gonna go crazy on J.C. and clone up a monster to eat his sorry ass.

+ + +

Stupid People in Washington #2

Response to a study on airline ticketing practices:

"We just think the conclusion is wrong. Airlines should be forced to make adjustments."

Um... yeah. And I think you're stoopid. I will not justify my statement but just because I think you're stoopid you should go suck on a salted fish.

03:44 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

July 31, 2001 / Tuesday

More People Who Should Fucking Die

10:30:24 AM... just got on the plane

A continuation of my fucking die post from earlier this week.

People who clog up the aircraft boarding area in front of the gate even though it's not anywhere near their turn to board should fucking die.

Get out of my way, damn you!

05:26 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

July 25, 2001 / Wednesday

Rant #1

Stupid drivers should fucking die.

+ + +

Rant #2

People with nice cars who take up 2 parking spaces so no one will park next to their car and ding them deserve to have their nice car keyed.

They should also fucking die.

+ + +

Rant #3

Why can't people learn to clean up after themselves? If they finish the contents of a container, why can't they throw the container away? Is it really that hard? Empty bags, empty boxes, empty foil wrap. Trash trash trash! So fucking inconsiderate.

They should not fucking die because I know them and I'd feel bad.

10:53 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

July 19, 2001 / Thursday

Traffic Rant #1

I want the lane on my left. He wants the lane on his right. It's the same spot we're both wanting. I signal and move into it. He doesn't signal but honks.

Bastard! Go suck on a salted fish!

+ + +

Traffic Rant #2

Why on earth do we pay cops to direct traffic according to what the stoplights are indicating?

And they wave so vigorously, too! As if they really believe they're needed or something!

11:12 PM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)

June 26, 2001 / Tuesday

Let me just say that

Let me just say that the parties responsible for Sprint PCS's system of billing customers for every possible little thing that we are assured we will not be billed for should be strung up and tortured until they die a very slow painful gut-wrenchingly agonizing death. No, forget death, I hope they live a long painful gut-wrenchingly agonizing life as a mentally intact yet physically deformed cripple. That whole blurb about firebombing and nuking was wrong. Most of their employees are just doing their job. But it's those certain motherfuckers who make my life difficult who deserve to suffer. I want their nails removed, their eyelids flipped up, their ears shredded, their teeth knocked out, their skin peeled off, and acid thrown over all their wounds. And I want some personal time with them so I can kick each of their asses until they can't sit for the next 6 months. And give me a bat. Don't worry, I'll be careful with the head. I want them to be fully aware of their miserable existence for every second of the rest of their lives.

10:42 AM | Rant/Whine| Comments (0)