Blank Of The Day
September 28, 2005 / Wednesday
Joke of the Day
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
Thank you, Nadsy. :)
05:21 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (5)
May 04, 2005 / Wednesday
Source Control Comment of the Month
I'm writing up my April report, and I'm spinning through a list of code checkins I made last month.
My favorite:
OH MY GOD, YOU KILLED KENNY!
You bastard!
Yes, that was the entire comment.
04:00 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (3)
November 07, 2004 / Sunday
Bumper Sticker of the Day
| Don't blame me I didn't vote for HIM |
| or for Nader |
Quite a contrast from all the Central Valley bumper stickers I saw yesterday. Naturally, the Kerry supporters have removed their bumper stickers, but the Bush supporters have left theirs on. Siiigh.
10:16 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
October 25, 2004 / Monday
Bumper Sticker of the Week (From Last Week)
more trees
less bush
5 more minutes until ... 7 more days!
11:55 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
June 10, 2004 / Thursday
Joke of the Day
Sex In The Dark
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device ... a vibrator!
Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic.
"You impotent bastard," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You'd better explain yourself!"
The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
And then, as an added bonus ...
send this to 15 ppl or else u'll hav a bad sex life forever!!!
I sure hope 15 people read my blog today (that counts, right?). This is a bad week to get cursed with a sucky sex life. Forever, no less!
You can thank Kimmy for the above. 
Random thought about the above: How on earth is wild and screaming romantic?
09:28 AM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
June 08, 2004 / Tuesday
Joke of the Day
Starting up a new ____ of the Day.
Why does Snoop Doggy Dogg carry an umbrella?
Fo drizzle.
Whoo, that's a good one.
Thanks Nadsy fo da joke.
11:30 AM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
May 10, 2004 / Monday
Song of the Day
Bloodhound Gang - I Hope You Die
For a limited time, I'll even put it up for download.
I put my Bloodhound Gang CD in this morning on my way to work and this song came on. I thought it was very appropriate, given all the lame-Os in LA yesterday.
No, it's not as bad as the title may imply. Read the lyrics! See for yourself!
My Bloodhound Gang CD was harmed in the ripping of this song. I dropped it in the parking lot when I brought it in from the car and scratched it on both sides. Now it's a disfigured boobie. 
01:39 PM | Blank Of The Day:Music| Comments (0)
April 17, 2003 / Thursday
Quote of the Day (1/2)
Polynomials can do a lot of interesting things.
Imaging guy explanation for why one of our processed 2d gel images looked like a toilet seat.
Quote of the Day (2/2)
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
- Dennis Wholey
Fairly fitting for the goings on of late, I think.
Road Sign of the Day
Men Working In Trees
Yeah, watch out, they might fall on your head.
01:46 PM | Blank Of The Day:Quote| Comments (0)
January 15, 2003 / Wednesday
Joke of the Day
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard, a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit irritated, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"
HAhahAhaHahAHAhaHa ... !
02:21 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
December 22, 2002 / Sunday
Observation of the Day
it's 10:15 AM and i'm back on the ground and waiting for my ride home
There are a LOT of little Bobo dogs driving by in the front seats of expensive cars coming to pick people up from SFO today. Arf!
11:15 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
December 14, 2002 / Saturday
Thingamabobber of the Day
Jar-Jar bow out
It's kind of hard to explain, but our waitress at the Texas Roadhouse tonight did it. A "thank you" accompanied by a step back and some smooth Binks-like motion of the neck. Teddio can imitate it pretty well. Prolly 'cause he thought she was cute and was studying her every move. Heheh.
• • •
Word of the Day
Binks-like
See above for usage example.
• • •
Proclamation of the Night
I've got the bestest brothas in the world.
Bo! 
10:58 PM | Blank Of The Day:Thingamabobber:Word| Comments (0)
November 15, 2002 / Friday
Proclamation of the Day
There are too many fucking whiners in the world.
And with that statement I've just become one of them.
04:38 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
November 07, 2002 / Thursday
Headline of the Day
Wendy's, Yum! Report Lackluster October
At first I thought that this meant the reporter really liked Wendy's food, but no, Yum! is actually the name of a company. Ha!
01:07 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
May 17, 2002 / Friday
Observation of the Night
We're all just a bunch of flat copper Abe Lincoln heads.
Trouble attracting pennies? Just rub some Taco Bell hot sauce on your head. They'll spot your shine and come runnin' in no time.
01:41 AM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
April 22, 2002 / Monday
Proclamation of the Night
Hockey kicks ass. You run into people in the normal course of play and you just absorb the impact and keep going. No sorry's or excuse me's or stopping to see if the other person's okay. Keep going. Get the puck out of your zone. Get the puck to your teammate. Get yourself to where you can score. Go go go!
12:46 AM | Blank Of The Day:Hockey| Comments (0)
April 10, 2002 / Wednesday
Observation of the Night
Girls are way too picky.
Guys are way too clueless.
10:41 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
March 18, 2002 / Monday
Proclamation of the Day
Silly dirty people have more fun!
11:43 AM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
March 06, 2002 / Wednesday
Proclamation of the Day
Glowy things rock!
03:42 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
February 06, 2002 / Wednesday
Proclamation of the Day
I don't like people. They annoy me.
• • •
Amendment to My Proclamation of the Day
I didn't mean each and every single last person.
01:58 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
October 18, 2001 / Thursday
Exciting Find of the Night
Diet Coke With Lemon!
Now I can be truly lazy and not even ask for the lemon wedge!
Just think of all the lemon wedge squeezing that saves me!
• • •
Realization of the Night
Booty is too complicated.
Doesn't anyone else out there believe in stick and move?
I just want to play! None of this relationship business!
12:29 AM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
September 25, 2001 / Tuesday
Tip of the Day
In the event of a terrorist hijacking, stand up and Garr! loudly at them.
Ready? One ... two ... three ... GARRRRR!!!
Man, I'm really sleepy. What the hell did I just write?
Well, at least I said Garr!. It would have been really silly if I had said you should fark or blip or blub at them. Hrmm ... actually the blub approach might be scary and gross enough to work. And while you're a it, throw in a few moo's.
Blub blub blub mooOOOooo ... !
Human cow saves plane, receives medal of honor. Moo!
12:44 AM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
September 04, 2001 / Tuesday
Song of the Day
Blow blow blow your nose
Blow your nose with glee
Phlegmily phlegmily phlegmily phlegmily
Cough until you wheeze
Thank you! Thank you! Yes, I know I'm talented.
09:22 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
August 14, 2001 / Tuesday
More People Who Should Fucking Die
- or -
Road Rage Story of the Day
People who clog up the FasTrak lane at toll plazas should fucking die!
Like today, there was NO traffic in that lane except for this one guy who was going 5 MPH even though you can drive through at 35 MPH and still get picked up by the sensors. So I tailgated him. And then after the tolls he was still going 5 MPH. Stoopid marthafocker. So then I went to his left and blew past, making sure to glare at him with my "What the fuck are you doing, you farking idiot?" look as I went by. I guess that pissed him off. I saw him in my rear view speeding up and trying to get past all the cars to catch up with me. Unfortunately he was trying to do that in the middle of the 15 to 5 lane merge zone. Weave weave stop stop.
Ha ha! Suckah!
03:58 PM | Blank Of The Day:Rant/Whine:Road Ramblings| Comments (0)
August 12, 2001 / Sunday
Proclamation of the Day
Really really caring about someone is a hell of a lot of work.
04:32 PM | Blank Of The Day| Comments (0)
July 16, 2001 / Monday
Vehicle of the Day
actually it's 2:34:54 PM and I'm stuck in a meeting room out of wireless network range
And old brown soccer mom van with a public access television bumper sticker on the right, a San Francisco 49ers bumper sticker at the bottom, a gay pride bumper sticker in the middle, driven by some old guy.
How many contradictions can we count in there? I don't even know.
