Muse back!
September 16, 2002 / Monday
Titles And Stuff
I can't believe I was offline for most of yesterday. I feel so out of touch with the world. Where do I get my messages and sports scores from? I wanted to get football scores and completely blanked on how to do it. No computer. Sob sob.
So today I have a lot of make-up blogging to do. My brain kept spewing blog topics at me on my drive this morning. I filled up a whole page with notes. Too bad I can't read my own chickenscratch.
Anyway, I stopped at that kinda newly opened organic coffee place in Berkeley again. I swear, they are the happiest coffee stand employees I've ever seen. Maybe it had something to do with that new agey music they were playing. Had my first whole milk latte. I think I'm gonna stick with soy from now on. Got myself a bran muffin too, thinking I was going to be all healthy and stuff. It tasted like fiber (cardboard) so I slathered butter all over it when I got into work. Mmm...
Speaking of which, I need to buy butter for my new fridge.
Okay, on to the gazillion chickenscratched notes from yesterday and today. I was going to split them up into individual linkable posts but I'm in one of those write a huge post moods. I apologize in advance to all of you out there with A.D.D.. I'll try to sectionize and paragraphize frequently. I'll even do titles and stuff.
Kinda like that. Cool?
Nod Nod
Too many people out there walk around looking unfriendly. It's that whole outta-my-way attitude. I do it when I'm in a bad mood. Hell no I won't smile for you! But you know what? I think a lot of them are just doing it because they don't want to act all friendly and risk getting dissed if the other person doesn't reciprocate. And I guess some people don't reciprocate because they have to act all hard and stuff and therefore aren't allowed to smile. And I guess some of them just plain don't know how to smile. Anyway, I was thinking about this yesterday because that kinda newly opened organic coffee place in Berkeley borders a semi-shady part of town where you start getting more people trying to be all hard and unsmiling. The type of people you don't want to smile at because you know that you're gonna get dissed. But you know what works? You nod. You nod that nod that guys do when they're feeling like they have to be a GUY because for some strange reason if a guy smiles at another guy it means he's gay. Anyway, you nod and they feel acknowledged and they nod back and it's all good. 'Sup.
Thinking (Not Quite So) Big
Think big, they say. Well, you know what I say? I say, think big, but not too big, because if you think too big then all of a sudden you realize that you and me in our society on this planet circling this solar system floating around in our galaxy expanding into the universe are completely and totally and utterly meaningless.
See, that's my problem. I start thinking about what I want to achieve in life and the next thing you know I'm thinking about world domination and then I'm thinking about what's beyond just world domination and then I realize the world ain't shit and there's no point. Boo.
If Not World Domination, Then What?
I love to write. I was all math and sciencey in high school but my english teacher pegged me for a writer despite all my anti-humanities gung-ho-ness. And you know what? He was right. I just happen to write in a style not often (or ever, for that matter) identified as great (or even good) literature. That must mean I'm not a good writer, I thought. But hey, you guys read this and you all keep coming back. Well, most of you, at least. I'm sure I've scared off a reader or two here and there. But anyway, I love this stuff. I love spewing my thoughts out into my browser window text area. I love stringing together word after word until I have one huge nearly incomprehensible sentence that most english teachers would consider a horrific compound run-on. It's fun.
Unfortunately, it won't help me take over the world. Nor will it make me a decent living, or so I believe. Being raised by fairly traditional Chinese parents means I absolutely cannot accept the fact that writing could ever earn me enough money to be comfortable in life and secure in my finances.
So, doggammit, I can't write for a living . Just because I don't believe that I can. I have this other hangup about it, you see. Writing takes a certain amount of creativity. What if I run out of it? What if I wake up one morning completely uninspired? What if I wake up like that every day? Hello, unemployment. Oh, look, there's a whole section over there for uninspired writers. No thanks.
Scrubbing The Brain
I usually sleep pretty well. I curl into a sleepball and I'm off to la-la land for the night. But the last couple nights I've just been dreaming and tossing and turning and waking, hour after every couple hours. My body's exhausted but my brain's all tense. The dreams are quite interesting, though. Not strange abstract interesting, but people interesting. Why is so and so showing up in my dreams? Why are they saying what they're saying? Why are they doing what they're doing? I think my brain is trying to organize and clean. Tells me a lot about what I'm really thinking about when I don't think I'm thinking about anything.
Beating The Alarm
Way back when I used to be on top of things and enthusiastic about what I was doing I would wake up on my own every morning before my alarm. I've started doing that again. No more of this alarm going off and not being able to even get out of bed to turn it off business. Time to get up! Time to go! Time to take over the world!
Hey Everyone, I'm Back
The old me is back. The one from high school. The one who wants to take over the world. Don't worry, it's figurative. Taking over the world is my euphemism for making something out of myself. I'm gonna do big things, man. As long as I remember not to think too big.
Hockey Update
Almost forgot, I had my 2nd Red division tryout last night. I outskated a Red player and deked everyone all the way down the ice a couple times. They damned well better let me into Red this season! Never mind that I still can't hockey stop left...
Lyrical Blip of the Day
who is this doin this synthetic type o' alpha beta psychedelic funkin'?
Repeat. Over and over and over. Then do it again a few more times.
Learn To Freakin' Drive
Note to the dude on the freeway whose bumper I almost bumped this morning: Do not put on your brakes and decelerate to 35 miles per hour as you change 3 lanes to the left on the freeway. Stoopidhead!
Chinese Relatives Are Bad For Self Esteem
Every time I see my aunt I get scrutinized. My hair, my face, my car, my everything. 'Cause, you know, I'm supposed to model myself into a perfect individual or something.
That explains a lot, doesn't it?
September 16, 2002 12:12 PM | Family:Hockey:Lyrical Blip