So my aunt did her yearly “Do you have any contact lens solution receipts?” thing to me over dinner tonight. She does this every year, since she almost always puts too much money into her flexible spending account. “No,” I said, “I don’t keep all my receipts anymore because my OCD is better now.” I mentioned that I should have put money into my flexible spending account this year, a good six or seven hundred dollars.
Auntie was shocked. “Why?” she asked.
I explained that my dental insurance covered only 80% of my wisdom teeth removal. She wanted to know about the rest of the money.
Trying to avoid yet another awkward BCP discussion, I said, “I have a prescription to fill every month.”
She wanted to know what for. Oh great, this again.
“Birth control pills,” I replied.
“Aiya! So bad for you!”
Finally, she said, “Can’t you use condoms?”
I nearly spat out my dinner. Holy shit, my aunt just broke the age old (surrogate) Chinese parent rule of thereisnosuchthingassex.
That, and she said “condom”. My aunt, who has to whisper words like “sex” and “lesbian” (and would never ever dare to use those two words in the same sentence), said “condom”.
Hello, is the world still spinning?
Anyway, we then entered into a lengthy discussion about the other benefits of taking birth control, which, not surprisingly, resulted in her declaring that there was something wrong with me, because she has always been regular, and naturally so. Yes, oh my god, I’m so imperfect. How have I managed to survive twenty six whole years like this?
Must be those pills I keep taking.